Saturday, July 24, 2010

Paper Stars - Chapter Fourteen

Chapter 14 – Chances



Paolo retreated back to his room.

He curled up on his bed as his thoughts were filled with all the possibilities that's happening between Vanz and Nadine. He could feel his heat flinching in pain with the thought of Vanz asking his angel back, and with Nadine giving him another chance. He guess there's nothing else to do but to accept whatever it is that she have decided, after all, it seems obvious that Nadine still loves her first love.

“Pao Pao, anything wrong?”

He looked by the door, and saw Angelo walking up to him. “Why the sad face?” he asked him again. Paolo looked away from him, not answering his question. “Do you feel sick, or something?” Angelo asked again. “Bu shi...” Paolo muttered. Angelo gave him a confused look. “Bu shi... yeah right! You're lying.” Angelo said. He sat beside him, and put his arm around him. “So, have you seen my sister and Vanz? They are having a long talk, don't they?” he said. Paolo ignored him. “I guess Vanz is explaining himself to my sister. He sure have a lot of explaining to do.” Angelo said again. Still, Paolo ignored him. “I guess Vanz is asking my sister for another chance. And maybe... maybe my sister is considering it...” he continued. He glanced at Paolo, and smirked. “And maybe they'll get married soon.” he said.

Paolo turned to him with a glare. “Bu hui ba! No way!” he shouted at him. Angelo could only laugh at his angry reaction. “Why not? My sister is not getting any younger. He needs someone like Vanz to be by her side.” Angelo said. “Wo ke yi zai ta shan bien yi ji! (I can be by her side as well!!)” he shouted angrily. Angelo laughed in amusement, and this irritated Paolo more. “Bu hao xiao! (Not funny!)” he said in an annoyed tone. “Can you stop speaking in Chinese? It's even funnier when you're mad and you're speaking in Chinese!” Angelo said in between laughs. Paolo looked away from him. He was silent, while Angelo was observing him. “You're jealous, right?” Angelo asked. Paolo looked at him again. “You're jealous because you love my sister...” he said.

Angelo was expecting him to react violently, to deny what he feels. He knew from the start that he is in love with his sister, that's why when there's a chance he could get close to Nadine, he'll let Paolo have that chance. He saw Paolo lower his head, as he nod in confession. “Wo... ai ta... I love her...” Paolo said in a low voice. “But... it seems that she loves Vanz. If what you said is true...” His voice faltered as he looked at Angelo. “Are you going to give up on my sister just like that? Maybe you stand a chance. You've been with her longer.” Angelo sad. “But Vanz is her first love, and will always be the one she loves.”
“You're assuming things, Paolo.”
“But isn't that the truth?”
“Vanz hurt her before.”
“But she can still love him despite it all.”

Angelo turn to smile. “Or maybe not. Not, if you will start the fight. You can win her heart, but before that could happen, you have to give it your best shot.” he said. Paolo turned away from him again. “How could I win her heart? I am nothing. I am just a lost soul that she picked up from the shore. I don't have any identity, nor any memories of the past. All that I know, all that I have, it's all because of her. While... while Vanz... he is a man who is not living in the dark. Nadine knew him well. While I... Nadine only knew the present me... not the past me...” Paolo said. “And since when did identity become an issue when it comes to loving? If my sister loves you, she will accept you, no matter what your past is.” Angelo said. Paolo faced him again. “Will you give her up? Are you willing to see my sister go through the same heartache again when she was with Vanz?” Angelo asked. With that, Paolo turned his gaze away from him, finally deciding to fight for his love.

--

“After that summer, everything just became too chaotic for us.” Vanz began. “We found out that mom is dying. My dad was trying to keep the family together. I was in senior high school, and suddenly, I became confused with what to do with my life. You weren't there. You were far from me, and I can't let you bear the burden I had back then... so I chose not to write back, or to cal you back. Stephanie was there for me the whole time, helping me out, and gradually, I learned to love her again. I must admit, I forgot your existence the whole time I was with her. So when we bumped into each other at the university... I... I felt guilty.” he said. He lowered his head, and let out a faint laugh. He put his hands inside his pocket, and glanced at him. “Honestly... when I saw you again, I... I got confused. I knew I love Stephanie... but it will always be you, my first love. It will always be you. Yes, I admit that I've been with a lot of girls these past ten years... but it will alwas be you, Nadine... it will always be you...”

Nadine looked away from him. All her life, she waited for this day to come, for him to come back to her, and tell her that he still loves her. She should be happy that this is happening to her right here, right now. But somehow, she doesn't feel too happy about it. She doesn't feel her heart skip a beat upon seeing his boyish face once again. She doesn't want this happen now. It's like she got tired of the long wait, and she finally gave up. And it's because there is someone that already took his place in her heart.

“Nadine... give me a chance.” he said. He walked up to her, and held her on her shoulders. “Give us a chance. I know this time, it's for keeps. I promise... I promise I won't abandon you like I did before. Nadine, I still love you...” he said. He looked hopefully into her eyes, letting out a faint smile. “Do you still love me?” he asked. Nadine stared at him for a long time, asking herself the same question. Does she still love him? She knew at this moment, she is confused. And she knew that it's wrong for her to give her answer at her confused state. “I... I'm sorry...” she said as she looked away from him. Vanz could only give her a confused look. “I... I can't answer that question.” she said. “Was it because I've heard you enough?”
“Vanz, it's not like that.”
“Is there someone else in your life?”

Nadine looked at him for a long time, and then she slowly nodded her head. “Yes. There is... someone that... that I've been loving silently.” she said. He gave her a defeated look. “He... he doesn't know?”
“I don't think he have to know.”
“You know that you're hurting yourself.”
“It doesn't hurt as much as how you hurt me before. And I know that if I get my heart broken, I have no one else to blame but myself.”

Vanz looked at her for a long time. He knew inside his heart that he couldn't give her up. He searched for her for so long, and he just can't let her slip away that easily. Not without a fight. “Give me a chance...” he said firmly. “Give me a chance to prove to you that you still love me. Nadine, I can give you the love you need, while he... he will only hurt you. He will only hurt you as long as keep on loving him silently. While I... you know... you know how I feel... you can never be unsure of me... and I promise you...” he said. He could feel his voice faltering as he speaks. “Give me a chance to fight him fair and square. I can me you love me again.” he said. “I will only hurt you.” she said. “Then hurt me. I don't care. All I want is to love you.” he said. Nadine could only take a deep breath as she slowly nodded her head.

--

It was almost dusk, and Nadine was sitting by the shore as she watches the sunset. A lot of things happened that day, and she wanted to be alone for a while to think things through. She knew that she should have not given Vanz another chance, and give him her answer while she's confused. She doesn't know why Vanz have to come back for her, now that she was starting to forget him. It just makes her feelings more complicated.

“Can I join you?”

She looked back, and saw Paolo standing behind her. She smiled at him, and nodded her head. Paolo sat silently beside her, and then looked at the horizon. “What are you thinking of?” he asked. “A lot of things.”
“Like what?”
“My past... my present... my future...”
Paolo looked at her, and smiled. “For the long time that I've known you, you're not the type of person that would ponder too much on things. Unless it's about the resort...” he said. Nadine could only laugh at her. “I tend to ponder too much on life. You just don't know it.” she said. He let out a smile as he glanced at her. There was silence between them as they sat side by side, watching the sun to set down.

“He asks for another chance...” Nadine finally said. Paolo looked at her, and held his breath as he waited for her to say something again. “He wanted me back. He said... he said that he still loves me...”
“And your reply?”
“I gave him a chance to prove to me that what he says is true.”
“Do you still love him?”
Nadine looked at Paolo for a long time, and then she shook her head. “I... I don't know. I'm not sure anymore.” she said. She let out a faint laugh, and looked away from him. “It's like when I'm with this person, I'm sure of what I really feel. I feel happy around him. I feel at ease knowing he's within my sight. When he's beside me I get butterflies in my stomach. But then, this person from your past comes back. You forget what you feel for this new person, because that person from your past came back, and all of your feelings for this old person comes back to you. It's like you both wanted the past and the present, but your heart can only choose one... and that's where all the confusion is... and I'm scared... I'm scared that I choose one of them, the other will be hurt. I'm scared that if I choose the past, the present will leave. If I choose the past... he will be gone in my life forever.” she said. “I guess you needed more time.” Paolo said. Nadine gave him a puzzled look. “It's a good thing that you gave Vanz a chance. At least, with him around, you will realize what the present guy really means to you. But then, you have to choose eventually. Is it this new guy, or is it Vanz?” he said.

Nadine let out a sigh, and looked away from him. “So, there is another person aside from Vanz that you... love?” Paolo asked. Nadine's eyes widened upon hearing his question. She knew that what she said a while ago is a giveaway to her true feelings for Paolo. “N-n-not really. I... am merely... making a point. The whole point is, I'm confused.” she said. “Because of this new guy?” Paolo asked again. “There is no new guy!” she shouted defensively at him. Paolo just gave her a playful smile. “Oh, OK.” he said. Nadine secretly glanced at him, and see him still smiling giddily. Paolo knew that Nadine was talking about him. He was happy because he knew that he stands a chance with her.








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