Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Paper Stars - Chapter Thirteen

Chapter 13 – First Love


First Love Never Dies,
But True Love Buries It Alive...

--

Paolo led Nadine inside the house. He helped her to sit down, and as she settled down, he began to search high and low for the first aid kit, and as soon as he found it, he sat next to her. Gently, he held her hand. He saw the swelling on it, and as he touched it, Nadine flinched in pain. “I think you sprained it.” he said. He took out the bandage, and gently rolled it onto her wrist. Nadine looks at Paolo as he put the bandage in his hand.

There was something in Paolo a while ago that made her confused. There was anger in his eyes as he looked at Vanz. There was a strong sense of possession, of jealousy in him as he held her hand, and as he pulled Vanz's hand away from her. And there was this caring look in his eyes as he see the bruised and swollen wrist of her. At that moment, she saw Paolo as a man, and not as the child-like guy that he was. It was this new side of Paolo is something that she never saw.

“Thank you...” she said, her voice is trembling. Since Paolo came into their lives, she took care of him. She knew him from head to foot, as far as he knows. But his reaction a while ago is something that she did not expect. “Who is he?” he finally asked. Nadine looked away from him. There was this sadness in his eyes, and she could not let him see that. “Vanz...” she said softly. “Who is he in your life?” he asked, with a more authoritative voice. This Paolo beside her is scaring the hell out of her. “I... I don't want to talk about it. Not right now. I... I'm not ready...” she said. Paolo just looked at her for a long time as he let the silence come between them. “Don't you trust me?” he asked in a hurt tone. “I... I protected you from him. And in the future, I want to continue protecting you from him, or from anyone that will hurt you. It's only fair for me to know who are those people are in your life, and why they are hurting you. Can't you give me that privilege to know?” he asked. The hint of pain in his tone made Nadine look back at him.

The cheerfulness in his eyes was replaced by hurt. His face was stern as he waited and demanded for her answer. She could only look at him, not saying a word. She doesn't know where to start telling him about Vanz, because if he knew who he is in her life, she will only end up hurting him more. “A friend.” she lied. Paolo gave him a confused look. “A friend? Then... then why?”
“He is just a friend.”
“If he is a friend, why are you running away from him? If he is a friend, why does he have to look like that at you.”

Nadine paused at what he said. “Look at me like what?” she asked. “He looked at you with hope... with love... but you pushed him away. And I can't understand why.” he said. “If he is a friend... a friend that you haven't seen for a long time... you wouldn't act that way... unless he hurt you before.” he added. Nadine took a deep breath, and stood up from her seat. She looked at him with a mad expression on her face. She just wanted to end this conversation with him. “You saved me, yes, but that doesn't give you the right to intrude into my life, especially my past. If there is something that I want to keep from you, then I will continue to keep it. Before you came, you didn't know what I've been through. And you don't have the right to question me, or judge me just because I don't want to tell you everything that happened in my life. You weren't there. You wouldn't just understand.” she said to her.

Paolo looked up at him. He felt his heart flinched in every word she said. “So... what am I? I am nothing to you? I am not part of this family? You were the one who keeps on telling me that I am a part of this family! I only wanted to know who he is... but then you're acting like this! How can I protect you from him if I don't know why I'm protecting you in the first place?” he shouted at her. Nadine was shocked at his reaction. She never thought that Paolo would be this exasperated at her for keeping the past from him. “Maybe you think I'm useless, that I can do nothing, that I can't care for you the way you do for me. Nadine, I am a grown up man. I may be child-like, but I have a mind of my own. And you know what, it hurts me to know that you... you think of me that way.” he said.

Paolo turned his back on her, and left her alone. Nadine could only watch as he leaves her. It was wrong of her not to say anything. It was wrong of her to lie. But then, her mind just couldn't think right, now that Vanz have suddenly appeared in her life.

--

Vanz stood at the reception area with his head down. As soon as Paolo and Nadine left, Marina came over to see him. “It's been a long time...” she said softly. Vanz looked at the elder woman, and saw her smiling at him. “And you can't blame Nadine for not wanting to see you...” she continues. “Tita... I... I had a lot of things to explain to her.” he said. “I know. But now is not the right time...”

Vanz lowered his head again, and let out a sigh. “You've hurt her. You've broken her heart. I guess all the hurt came back when she saw you. You just have to give my daughter some more time.” Marina said. “But... does she still love me?” he asked. “Only Nadine can answer that question. Now, let me ask your question back. Do you still love my daughter? Is that the reason why you came back?” she asked. Vanz slowly nodded his head. “It has always been her...” he said. “Then, why? Why did you have to break her heart before? You knew her condition...” Marina said. “That's why I'm here. That's why I came back. I want to explain everything to her. I want to make things right. I had my reasons why I suddenly disappeared... and now that everything is settled in my life... I just had to come back to make her understand...” Vanz said.

Marina let out a smile at him. “Maybe some other time.” she said. Vanz just nodded his head. “I... I guess I'll come back when she's ready to talk to me.” he said. She watched as the devastated man before her turned to leave the resort. She doesn't know why her daughter acted that way. She knew Nadine still loves Vanz, and have been waiting for his return, but then she pushed him away. She wanted to think that she's not just ready to see him. Or maybe, she's afraid that the feelings slowly building up inside her will slowly vanish upon Vanz's return.

--

“Pao Pao, are you still awake?” Angelo asked as he turned to to face Paolo's back. Paolo just remained silent. “So, you're asleep...” Angelo said as he rolled onto his back. A smirk came out of his mouth as he glanced at Paolo's sleeping figure again. Beneath the darkness, Paolo's eyes are still open. He couldn't sleep because of the things he said to Nadine a while ago. He felt guilty for being mad at her. But then, he couldn't help but be angry at her for keeping something from him.

“Fine... just sleep. I was about to tell you something about that guy who came this afternoon...” Angelo said. Paolo remained unmoved in his place. “You know... Vanz...” he added. With that, Paolo turned to face Angelo. “OK, what is it?” Paolo asked. Angelo just let out a loud laugh, which made him annoyed. “You know what, this is not a good time to joke.” he snapped at Angelo. Then, he turned his back again. He heard Angelo laughed again, and this time, he covered his ear with a pillow. “I thought you want to know something about him?” Angelo asked. “I'd rather ask Nadine.”
“Ate will not tell you anything.”
“I will force her to...”
“I don't think so. She will not tell you until she dies, I guess... so, you're last chance is with me.”

Paolo let out a sigh, then turned to face Angelo again. “So, who is this, Vanz?” he asked. “What did my sister tell you?” Angelo asked. “That he is a friend...” Paolo said. “But I don't think so.” he added. “Oh, he is a friend, all right... a special friend...” Angelo said. Paolo fell silent at what Angelo said. “I am not in the position to tell you everything. I was still young back then, and couldn't remember anything. All I know is that...” Angelo paused, and shook his head. “I think it's better that ate tell you everything. I know she will open up to you. You just have to be patient with her, all right? Please don't be mad at my sister anymore...” Angelo said. “I can't promise you that...” Paolo said. “Don't be childish, Pao Pao... you see... at this very moment, the person that my sister needs is you. You have to promise me that no matter what happens, you'll stay by her side.” Angelo said. Paolo wrinkled his brow in confusion. “I don't understand...” he said. Angelo could only answer him with a smile before turning to his other side to sleep. “Good night, Pao Pao, Siopao!” he said.

--

Nadine stared at the box before her. As she opened the box, a tear fell from her eyes. The very first thing she saw was the picture of him and Vanz that summer that they have been together. She could clearly remember his promise that he will return for her, that he will come back, but he just kept her waiting. He never came back, and when they bumped into each other again, he is with another girl.

She doesn't know why he came back. Just when she is ready to let him go, he came back to look for her. She knew someone have already taken his place, and with him appearing in her life once again, she admits that it makes her hear confused, and the situation much complicated. She remembered the hurt in Paolo's face when he saw Vanz holding her. She saw the anger in his eyes when she refused to tell him about Vanz. And that sudden change in him scares her. She was scared that because of what's happening, she might lose Paolo eventually. And she is not ready to lose him, not now, not at this moment when she have learned to live her life with him.

--

Paolo sat on the sandy shore as he watched the sunset the next afternoon. That whole day, he have been trying his best to avoid Nadine, and it seems that she is avoiding him as well. His heart is breaking because of what is happening between them. They used to be real close, but because of this guy that suddenly showed up in their lives, seems like there would be a lot of changes between them, and he is scared of that change.

He also felt threatened with Vanz showing up. Angelo said that he is a friend of his sister, a special friend, and he is scared that because of this role in her life. He was scared that Vanz will take away his angel from him. He clenched his fist at that thought. “Bu hui ba! I will not let her take Xia Tian from me...” he thought. He lowered his head, and let out a sigh. What can he do to fight for her and for his love, when he knew that he is nothing for her? She doesn't feel the same way that he does...

“Pao Pao...”

Paolo looked back, and saw Nadine behind her. He looked away from her. Then, he felt her walk towards her, and before he knew it, she was sitting beside him. “I'm sorry...” she said in a sad voice. Paolo looked up at her worriedly. “I know, it's wrong for me to keep things from you... but you have to understand... it's not easy to talk about the past, especially if it's a painful one... you would understand if you were in my position.” she said. Paolo snorted at her. “As if I have a past...” he said. He made circles on the sand with his fingers as he lowered his head. “But if you do... you know how it would feel like. You know, Paolo, sometimes, I wish I was you. I wish I couldn't remember anything as well. I wish all my memories where all washed up... so that it won't hurt me anymore...”

He saw her staring at the sea. He could see the sadness in her eyes as she speaks. He could see the tears forming in her eyes. Now, he is sure of one thing – that the man named Vanz have hurt her before. “Who is he?” he asked. “I want to know, Nadine. I want to know what happened in your past. I want to know how he hurt you. I want to help you, and ease the pain that you are feeling right now...” he continued. She looked at him, and let out a faint smile. “Vanz. He... he is my first love...” she said.

There was a sting in his heart at that confirmation. “He is the only man I loved... but he... he left me. He left me alone... he promised to come back for me... but he... he never did...” she began. He just sat there silently, listening to her as she tells her story. “I was fifteen when I met him. It was summer. He was this young boy whom I saved from this very sea. Since then, we became friends. We became close. We fell in love. As the summer ends, our relationship bloomed, or so I thought. He... he was this city boy that just came here in Ilocos for a vacation, and since school is about to start, he have to go back to Manila. We... we had a long distance relationship. For the first few months, everything is going well. We write letters almost everyday. There was this weekly phone calls. Then, suddenly, his letters started to be few. The phone calls became shorter. Then, there was none... I haven't heard anything from him. He just disappeared in my life just like that... then one day, I saw him. I thought we could go back to how we were before but then I found out that he... he fell out of love with me... he... had another girl that he loves... and he loves her more than he loves me. I love him, and the only thing I can do is give him up for her...”

Paolo clenched his fist again after hearing her story. For him, Vanz is a fool for not choosing Nadine. He let go of a chance to be loved by a wonderful girl like her. If he was Vanz, he will surely come back for her and fulfill her promise, no matter what. “Do... do you still love him?” he asked. Nadine just stared at him. “I... I don't know...” she said softly. “I thought that when he comes back for me, I will be the happiest girl in the world. But... I... got confused. Maybe it's because he hurt me before... and maybe it's because...”

She paused and gazed into his eyes. “Because of you...” she thought. She bit her lips, and as she closed her eyes, the tears began to fall from her eyes. With that, Paolo pulled her into a hug. His warmth suddenly made the pain she is feeling go away. The comfort of his arms wrapping around her suddenly made her tears to stop falling. “I won't let him hurt you again.” he said in a firm tone. “I won't let him break your heart. I won't let him... I... I'll protect you from him...” he said. As he hugged her, he could almost feel the tears about to fall from his eyes. He could feel that she still loves Vanz. He wanted to fight for what he feels for her, but he knew he lost his chance. He will never be the man that Nadine will love, for she made it clear that Vanz is the only man she loves, and maybe, the only man she will ever love for the rest of her life.

They sat there, embracing each other. She, wanting to be sure of what she really feels towards Paolo. While he, hugging her to make her feel the love he had for her, for this might be his very last chance. “Wo ai ni...” he said silently. “But if you will choose him, I... I will gladly step back... I will...”

--

Paolo was busy wiping the floor when Vanz came in. “Hi...” Vanz greeted. Paolo looked up at him, and saw him smiling at him. “Is Nadine around?” Vanz asked. Paolo glared at him for a long time. “Bu shi.” he finally said in a firm tone. Vanz could only give him a confused look. “What?” he asked. “Bu shi.” he said again. Vanz could only scratch his head in confusion. “I don't understand you, man...” he said.

Before Paolo could speak again, Nadine came out. “Paolo...” she called. The two men looked back at her. Paolo saw her eyes shifted to Vanz. He saw her staring at him for a long time. Paolo could only lower his head in defeat. His effort in trying to hide Nadine from him have not paid off. She walked towards her first love, her eyes never leaving him. “Vanz...” she said in a soft voice. Paolo looked back at Vanz, and saw him smiling. “Nadine.” he called. “What... what are you doing here?” Paolo heard Nadine asked. “I'm here for the very same reason I came here a few days back.” Vanz said. “We need to talk, Nadine. I know I have a lot of explaining to do...” he added.

Paolo looked at Nadine. He was wishing that she wouldn't agree to what he wants. She closed her eyes for what seems to be forever, and as she opened it, he saw her nod her head. “I guess it's about time that we talk.” she said.

The two left, and Paolo could only watch them in defeat.

--

“This place haven't changed a bit...” Vanz said as they walked towards the shore. Vanz took a deep breath, and as he opened his eyes, he smiled at the familiar surrounding before him. “This place is exactly as I remembered years back... when I first came here...” he said. Then, he looked at Nadine, who was staring at him. “A lot of things have already changed, Vanz.” she said. “Including you?” he asked. With that, Nadine looked away from him. “People change. Feelings change. Change is the only constant thing in this world. You can't expect that things will be the way that they used to after you left them for a long time.” she said. She folded her arms, and sighed. “Why did you come back?” she asked him, still looking away from him. “To fulfill my promise to you... I promised I'll return for you, remember?” he said. “That was... more than ten years ago, Vanz.”
“I know. And I know, it's too late... but I am here...”
“You don't need to keep your promise. You have broken it...”
“Then let me mend it.”

Nadine looked up at him again. She saw him gazing into her eyes. “I love you. I have always loved you... but...” he faltered. He lowered his head, breaking his gaze from hers. “You loved another, remember?” she said. “I was confused that time, Nadine. I... A lot of things have happened to me during the times that we were apart.” he explained. “There are a lot of things that happened to me as well, but it didn't kept me from betraying your trust... and for my love to fade away...” she answered. “I know I am supposed to go back the next summer but...” he said. “You don't need to explain. I perfectly know why you never came back.” she snapped at him. She was about to turn away from him, but he held her hand to stop her.

He let out a sigh. He held her by her shoulders, and looked straight into her eyes. “Give me a chance to explain myself to you... to make you understand. Nadine, all I want is another chance for us... hear me out. If... if after you hear my side, you still decided that you don't want me back into your, then I won't bother you anymore. Just hear me out...” he said. Nadine took a deep breath, and nodded her head. “I love you still.” he began. “You are the only girl I loved like this. Many came into my life, but none of them were you. I could have came back... I had the will to... but... but my family needed me... I... I had to stay... for their support...” he said. Nadine shook her head in confusion. “I... I don't understand...” she said. “After that summer... there was a big blow in our family.” Vanz said. “We... we found out that my mom had cancer. And she... she died...”



Read Next Chapter
Read Previous Chapter

Labels: original story, Paper Stars