Chapter 30 – Realize
Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you
“I'm going back to Taipei...”
Ariel looked back at Arron, and could see the forced smile on his face. “Arron... you... you shouldn't...” she said. Arron sighed, and shook his head. “I... I just want to go home for a while. Besides, it's been more than a year... I want to see them...” Arron said. Ariel looked away from him, so that Arron won't see the change in her expression. “You... you want to see Ella...” she asked. “Y-yes...” Arron answered.
Ariel could feel her heart flinch at what Arron said. She's jealous. She doesn't have the right to be jealous, but she is feeling it right now. “Ariel, you understand me, right?” Arron asked. Ariel looked up at him, and just stared at him. She could have shook her head, telling him that she doesn't understand why Arron wants see Ella again. She wants to nod her head, telling him that she knows what Arron is doing is for the best.
But she knows once Arron is back home, everything between the two of them will start to change.
A few months before...
Ariel slowly opened her eyes, and as she finally woke up, she could feel her head aching, as if a thousand hammers have been pounding her head. “Awww...” she flinched in pain. Arron was right about her drinking a lot last night on her surprise birthday party – her hangover is really awful. “I don't think I can go to work today...” she thought. She stood up from her bed, and then went to her vanity table, and looked at herself on the mirror. Her eyes were so red, and she face looked so tired. “I look awful...” she told herself as she sighed. Then, she looked down the table, and notices a long, velvety box with ribbon on it. She took it, and saw a small card on it.
She smiled to herself as she read the card. Then, she opened the box, and saw a wing-shaped pendant on it. She doesn't know why, but she suddenly felt giddy all over again. Arron have always made her feel special, and she loves that feeling. She loves the feeling of being cared for by Arron. She have to admit to herself, the past year that they were together, she found herself being drawn into Arron more and more, to the point that she feels she's falling for him. But she have to erase that thought because she will get married to his brother soon, and she knows she loves Chun very much.
She took the box, and rushed down the stairs. She saw Arron preparing their breakfast. She paused, and watched him secretly with what he's doing. Actually, she's secretly gazing at him. There was something in Arron that have changed, something in him that she have failed to notice before. He seemed to have grown taller, and much more muscular. His eyelashes seems to be much longer that from what she remembered. There was something in his eyes that she could not describe, and even the way he smile. He was not the young boy that she knew before. Not the little brother she have known. Looking at Arron now, he have grown to be a man, a man that any girl would fall for. “Including me...” she thought.
“Ariel?” she heard him call. The sound of his voice have awakened her from her daydream. “Oh, h-hey... good m-morning...” she said as she walked towards him. “You're spacing out, Ariel... are you OK?” he asked. She let out a faint smile, and nodded her head. She took her seat, and watched Arron as he took his across her. Just like before, Arron would put the food on her plate before putting some on his. All this time, Ariel have been watching him. There was a change in him, that's for sure, but there was also a change in her, in her feelings for him. She's feeling something different in the way he's doing what he's doing to her right now, it's like seeing Arron in a different light.
“Are you sure you're OK?” Arron asked, giving her a worried look. “Y-yeah...” she stuttered. “OK... maybe because of my hangover...” she continued. She massaged her forehead as she leaned on the table. “Then, take the day off. I told you you shouldn't have drink a lot last night, but you didn't listen to me.” he said. Ariel only gave him a pout. “But it's my birthday!” she said. “But still. You're not used with drinking wine... that's why you got a big hangover. I'll take a leave from school today to look after you, OK?” he said. Ariel smile, and nodded her head. She felt that giddy feeling again from what she said. Arron have always been taking care of her, and she felt so special because of these things he have been doing for her. “Are you sure it's OK for you to skip school just because of me?” she asked. Arron nodded his head. “Chun ge will kill me if he found out that I'm not taking care of his girlfriend.” he said, winking at him.
Ariel's smile slowly faded upon hearing Chun's name from him. She felt as if Arron was spoiling everything. “H-he... wouldn't find out about it if you won't tell him...” she said. Arron nodded his head. “I won't tell him. I promise you that.” he said. “Good.” she said. She let out a forced smile at him, before turning her attention to the food on her plate.
Arron stared at his desk for a long time. Then, he took his sketch pad, and flipped through its pages. He smiled to himself as he looked at the sketches of Ariel he made before. Every time he feels like he misses her, he would sketch her face, for it's his only way to ease his longing for her. As she flipped through another page, a different sketch caught his attention. It was his sketch of Ella.
From the start, he knew that Ella have liked him as more than a friend. He knew about her having a huge crush on her, but even though he knew that fact, he still chose to befriend her. Somehow, he felt guilty. He felt guilty because he could not even reciprocate the love Ella had for her, he felt guilty that he have to pretend he doesn't know about her secret love to him, when Ella is already being too obvious. He just can't give his heart to her, when he knew that he is loving someone else. And he could understand how she feels, because just like her, he's secretly loving his brother's girlfriend, who only regards him as her younger brother.
He found himself flipping though another page, and began to draw Ella's face. Suddenly, he felt missing her. He misses her company, her laughter, her encouragement, everything about her. He misses the time that she would stand up for him for his brother, even if it would cost her job. These were the little things that he have noticed before, simply because he is blindly in love with Ariel, but he does appreciate the little things she have done for him. If there would be another girl he would love in his lifetime, Ella is the girl he would choose to love. He stared at the sketch of Ella that he have just finished. “Ella...” he whispered as his fingers run through the coarse paper. He will be forever thankful to this girl, who helped him and encouraged him to follow his dreams. “Maybe one day, when I'm over Ariel... I will learn to love you in the same way that you loved me. I just needed to time to be with her, to let her go...” he whispered. He leaned back on his chair, and closed his eyes. As he drifted off the his dream, the image of his friend flooded his thought, making him smile.
Ariel entered Arron's room, and just like before, she found him sleeping on his desk. She reached for him, and brushed his hair away from his face and gazed into his sleeping face. “Silly guy... why do you always fall asleep on your desk?” she thought. Then, she noticed the sketch pad on his desk. She took it, and then flipped through the last page. She thought she would see her sketch on it, but she was surprised to see Ella's face on it. Suddenly, she felt jealous at that sketch. Then, she looked at Arron again. She have no right to be jealous, or even be mad at Ella, but that's all that she was feeling right now. She felt like Ella have taken Arron away from her completely.
“You must have really loved her so much... you draw her more often now... you must really miss her...” she thought sadly. She closed the sketch pad, and placed it back to his desk. Then, she left his room, and to her own room. As she closed the door behind her and leaned on it, she felt the tears starting to fall from her eyes. It's because of Arron that she is crying now. It's because of the fact that Arron will only see her as an older sister and as friend that's why she have these tears. It's the thought that Arron will only see Ella, and not her, which made her heart break even more. The time that they were together made her realize that it's Arron that she really loves, and her feelings for Chun is just a forced one, for she is obliged to marry him in the future. But sadly, she and Arron can't be together.
There was never a day that she wishes that she could stay forever with him, that she would not come back to Taiwan to fulfill her duties as a daughter. If she have really loved Chun before, then maybe she should have accepted his marriage proposal a long time ago. But she could not say yes to him, because she felt unsure of her feelings for him. She just doesn't think Chun is the right man for her. Now that she's sure that she really loves Arron, she can't even have him for he is in love with his best friend. She wanted to take Arron back from Ella, but she couldn't because she knows how happy Arron is when she is with her.
She closed her eyes, and let the tear fall from her eyes. She have to let out all the hurt she's feeling right now.
Arron walked up to Ariel's room. As he was about to knock, she heard her talking. “I love you too, Chun...” he heard her say. At that moment, he felt his heart breaking into a million pieces. He should be used to it by now, hearing Ariel telling his brother that he loves her. He was able to stand their sweetness when he sees their together, but still, he couldn't feel but be jealous. Right now, he is being selfish of Ariel, and it's wrong of him to be like that. He took this chance to be with Ariel, so that he could slowly let go of her and his love for her, but it's not working as it should be. The more that he is with Ariel, the more that he is wanting her by himself.
Then, Ariel opened the door, and saw him with the mad expression in his face. “Oh, Arron... anything wrong?” she asked. He did not smile at her, and just gave her a serious look. “Dinner is ready.” he said monotonously. He did not wait for her reply, instead, he turned his back on her and went downstairs, leaving her confused with his mood.
All throughout the dinner, Arron have been quiet. Ariel was trying to open up the topic, but Arron was just keeping to himself. “Arron, why are you so quiet?” she asked. “I'm just tired...” he said as he toyed with his food. She smiled at him, but Arron remained unmoved. “You're not sick, are you?” she asked again. Arron shook his head. Then, there was an awkward silence between them. It was an uncomfortable silence, and Ariel hated it. “Arron... I there anything wrong? Was there something I've done that you didn't like? Tell me... please speak up and not give me the cold shoulders!” she said to him. Arron looked up at her, and stared at her. “You... you didn't do anything, Ariel...” he said. He stood up from his seat, and left Ariel alone at the table.
He went back to his room. He sat on his desk, and took his sketch pad. He opened it, and stared at Ariel's sketch. “There's no way Ariel will love me... she will always love my brother...” he thought sadly. Each he is with her, he was loving her more and more. And the more he falls in love with her, the more it was breaking his heart. Eventually, he have to give way to his brother. He have to give her up for his brother. His only mission is here to protect her, and to watch over her in Chun's absence. Once they have gone back to Taiwan, he will have to step aside to let the two of them be happy.
Maybe it was a bad idea to go with Ariel in the US to study. Maybe it was a bad idea to be with her before she marries his brother. He wanted to be more closer to her, but in the end he was wanting her even more. It's just not easy anymore to forget his feelings for her. He flipped through the pages again, and saw his sketches of Ella. He stared at it for a long time. She is his friend, his best friend. He have admitted to her that he like Ariel, and though she is in love with him, she took it with a pinch of salt. He knows he have been hurting Ella. He should have not used her to cover up his true feelings. He should have learned to love her instead.
He realized it's about time for him to give her a space in his heart.
He should give Ella a chance to be loved by him. She have done so much for her, and this is the only way he knew that he could thank his best friend for always being there for him and understanding him. He grabbed the phone on his desk, and dialed Ella's number. After a few rings, Ella answered his call. “Hello” she said. His face lightened up upon hearing her voice. “Hi Ella!” he said, trying his best to sound enthusiastic. “It's been a long time! Finally I caught you. I've been calling you, but you're not always there... you're not even sending me an e-mail... I'm starting to worry about you...” he continues. Ella was not able to speak immediately. “A-arron?” she asked. “Of course it's me! You have forgotten my voice? I think my brother's slaving you too much. Don't worry, I'll tell him to give you a week off, especially when I'm back.” he said. Ella paused again as he listened to him. “W-what do you mean? You're going home soon?” she asked. “Yeah. I'll be coming home, Ella.” Arron said. “And it's gonna be soon...” he said. “R-really?”
“Yeah... you didn't sound too happy with my news...”
“O-of course... of course I'm happy, Arron. I missed you. I missed you a lot...”
“I missed you too, Ella. I can't wait to come home and see you. There... there's something I've been meaning to tell you... but I'll say it to you when I come home, OK?”
“O... OK. I... I'm happy to hear that, Arron...”
He said goodbye to her, and then he ended the call. “I hope that when I ask you to be my girl, Ella... you will be really happy...” he said.
“Ariel... can we talk?”
Ariel watched Arron as he sat beside her on the couch. “What's it all about, Arron?” she asked. “Vacation's coming up soon, and since my course will about to end... I've decided...” he said. He paused, and looked at Ariel, who was waiting for him to speak. “I'm going back to Taipei.” he said. He forced a smile on his face upon seeing that. At what Arron said, Ariel felt her heart began to beat fast. “You're... you're going home?” she asked. Arron nodded his head. “This is for the best, Ariel. I've decided it's about time I help Chun with the company. And besides...” He saw her shaking her head. “Arron... you... you shouldn't...” she said. Arron sighed, and shook his head. “I... I just want to go home for a while. Besides, it's been more than a year... I want to see them... there are a lot of thing that I feel I should do... there are things that I need to correct, and I can't do it while I'm here...” Arron said. Ariel looked away from him, so that Arron won't see the change in her expression. It was breaking her heart that Arron have finally decided to leave her. She doesn't know what to say to make him change his mind. “Why do you have to come home, Arron? Is it because of Ella?” she asked. She did not hear a response from him. She looked at him, and asked him again. “You... you want to see Ella...” she asked. “Y-yes...” Arron answered. Then, he smiled at her. “I... I found the courage to let her know what I truly feel. It's about time that I give us a chance to be together, right?” he asked.
Ariel could feel her heart flinch at what Arron said. She's jealous. She doesn't have the right to be jealous, but she is feeling it right now. “Ariel... I love Ella...” he lied. “I'm just scared that if I hadn't come back sooner, someone else will take my place in her heart. I... I can't lose my best friend to someone else. I love her so much Ariel, you understand me, right?” he asked. Ariel stood up from her seat, and went to the window. Suddenly, her tears fell from her eyes as she looked outside the window. “I have to do this, Ariel. Ella and I have been circling around for years. I can't let her wait for me anymore...” he said. She bit her lips as she fight the te4ars from continuously falling from her eyes. She wiped her tears, and then took a deep breath to compose herself. Then she turned to face him with a force smile. “I understand.” she said. “You're right, you and Ella have been circling for years. It's so obvious that she loves you so much, and I k-know you feel the same way for her.” she said. “Thank you for understanding me, Ariel...” Arron said.
“Since you're coming home...” Ariel said. “I... I think I should go back as well. I've been putting off my marriage for a long time. I.. I g-guess it's about time for me to accept your brother's proposal.” she said. With that, Arron could feel his heart breaking into a thousand pieces. Finally, the woman he love have decided to marry his brother. “That... that's great.” he said, faking a smile at her. “G-ge would be very happy if you do accept h-his m-marriage proposal...” Arron said.
Again, there was an uncomfortable silence between them.
There were a lot of things the two of them wanted to say to each other, but they were to scared to say those words, for it would complicate everything. They both knew they love each other, but they can't bring themselves to admit it to one another for they have to think of the people they will hurt because of that love. If only they were brave enough to face what they truly feel, then maybe both of them wouldn't have to break each other's heart with their lies.
Chun held Ella's hand, and smiled at her as they entered the mansion. “I had fun today!” Ella told him. “I did to. I think we should do this more often.” Chun said. Ella smiled and nodded her head. As they entered the mansion, they heard a familiar voice calling Ella's name. “Ella!” Ella looked before her, and saw Arron smiling at him. Then, Ariel came behind him, and smiled at the man beside Ella. “Chun!” she shouted excitedly as she walked up to him. Chun became pale as he saw his fiancee. As Ariel walked up to Chun to give him a hug, Ella let go of his hand...
And letting go of his hand means letting go of what they had now, for they both know they will these two people if they continue with this love...
Labels: fan fic, My Two Love My True Love