Chapter 15 – Found
“You’re just giving up on me like that?” he said to her bitterly. He glared at her, but she just turned away from him. She was not able to see the pain in his eyes because of what she said. “I thought you love me, Kelsi, I – “
“Because I realized loving you is the most painful thing I've ever felt in my entire life... and it's hurting you too. I don't want to see you like this... I don't want to make it hard for you, Quan that's why I'm giving way to her. That's why I'm letting you go...”
He lowered his head. He just can’t believe she’s doing this to him. He should be the one who should choose and make the decision, not her… but it seems that the more he does not speak, the more it’s hurting her. He blames himself for causing her all this pain. “You really don’t understand, don’t you…” he thought to himself. “I love you, Kelsi... and I.... it's you...” he said to himself. He searched for her eyes, and found tears starting to fall from it. At that moment, he wanted to wipe those tears from her eyes, embrace her and whisper to her that she got it all wrong... that he's choosing her... that he have made his decision long ago. He realized Ah Sa's just part of his past, and all though he love her as well, he can only see his present and future with Kelsi.
He felt her hand touch her cheek, and then she looked up at him. He felt her lips touch his, and then she leaned over him. “Goodbye, Zuo Yi Quan...” he heard her whisper. He was stunned at what he heard, he felt someone poured water on him and he became too numb – too numb that he was unaware of the tears in his own eyes, too numb that he can't even move to stop her from leaving. It was after Kelsi was gone that everything just sinked in to him.
Kelsi just said goodbye.
He caused her too much pain that she decided to give him up.
She was gone.
Everything is over.
What Kelsi didn't see after she turned her back to leave... is the tears that fell from Yi Quan's eyes...
Yi Quan slowly walked back to his pad. As he opened the door, he found Ah Sa on his couch, patiently waiting for him. Ah Sa stood up from her seat. “What happened?” Ah Sa asked in a worried tone. He just looked at her, then went to the couch and sat beside her. “She's gone...” he said in a low voice. Then, he looked at her and forced himself to smile. “She gave me up. You won.”
“You're choosing me now?”
Ah Sa smiled at him, and hugged him tight. “I promise I won't make the same mistake that I did before...” she said to him. Yi Quan just closed his eyes as he embrace her back. He know deep in his heart, he is lying to himself, and to Ah Sa, but he have hurt Kelsi enough... and he didn't want Ah Sa to feel the same pain that Kelsi is feeling now...
“What happened?” Kelsi asked the nurse as they headed to the emergency room. “The guy was drunk when he was driving, then he hit the girl.” the nurse explained to her. She took the metal folder from the nurse's hand and headed to where her patient is. She pulled the curtain, and much to her surprise, her patient looked exactly like Yi Quan. She immediately opened the folder, and sighed with relief when she read the name of her patient. “Tristan Liang Si Nan...” she read to herself. She sighed with relief. If this man I front of her is Yi Quan, she wouldn't know what to do. She composed herself, then began to face her patient. “So, you're the drunk driver...”
A Year Later.
“Why are you so quiet, Quan?” Ah Sa asked. They were having dinner that night to celebrate their anniversary, and all through out the night, Quan is not speaking. “I guess I'm just a little tired...” ha said. Ah Sa leaned back to her seat, and gave him a seductive smile. “Want to rest at my place?” she asked again. Yi Quan just shook his head. “I'm not up tp it right now...” he said in a low voice. Then, he looked up at her, then held her hand. “Would it be OK if I take you home now... I'm not feeling really well...” The smile on Ah Sa's face faded. She sighed with disappointment She have been planning this perfect night for the two of them, just for it to end this soon. “I'm really sorry, Ah Sa... it's just that -”
“I understand. Just take me home.”
As Yi Quan was driving her home, the two of them were silent. He knew his girlfriend is mad at him for ruining their anniversary, but he's not just comfortable with the idea of celebrating this day Exactly this day, Kelsi decided to leave him. After all this time, he knew he have not moved on from their break up. He did all he could to see her or contact her, but he found out that she went back to Manila all of sudden. Finally, they reached Ah Sa's house. He stopped his car, and just watched as Ah Sa got out of the car. She never spoke a word as she got out, or even kissed him goodbye. He watched her as she open her door and got inside the house. “I'm sorry...” he said.
He opened the door, and found Xiao Yu waiting for him inside his pad. He smiled at him. “Hey, bro!” Xiao Yu greeted. “Hey, Xiao Yu...” he said. He went to the couch and sat beside Xiao Yu. Xiao Yu noticed Yi Quan's gloomy face. “What's wrong? This is supposed to be a special day for you and Ah Sa. Did the two of you had a fight?” he asked Yi Quan. “Most likely. I think I upset her. I'm feeling really tired so I have to cut our date short...” Xiao Yu just shook his head. He could sense that Yi Quan's loneliness started even before their anniversary date. In fact, he have been this way for almost a year. He may not say it, but he knew it's because of Kelsi. Ever since she have gone, Yi Quan became like a zombie.
“It's Kelsi, isn't it?” he finally asked. Yi Quan looked at him, and nodded his head. “It's just that I can't forget everything...” he said in a low voice. “Before you could learn to forget, you have to learn to forgive yourself, Quan. You were confused that time, and you were not able to choose right away. It's just that Kelsi realized that you're in a very difficult situation that's why she chose to leave you...”
“I have been lying to myself all this time, Xiao Yu. I'm lying to myself, to Ah Sa, to everyone. This relationship... it's just a lie.”
'Then why did you accept Ah Sa although you know inside your heart that you don't love her?”
Yi Quan paused and looked at Xiao Yu. “Are you scared of being alone?” he asked again. “P-partly... yes... After Kelsi left, I felt all alone... and Ah Sa's there to comfort me. I... I thought I could learn to love her again... but I can't love her anymore, not the way I loved her before...” Xiao Yu put his hand on Yi Quan's shoulder. “You know, Quan, you have to be true to your heart for once. You said it yourself, you're lying in front of everyone. If you continue this lie, it's more likely that you'll be left all alone...” Xiao Yu said. “What should I do? Break up with Ah Sa?”
“If that's the way that you can be true to yourself, then do it.”
“I'm scared to hurt her...”
“You don't have to be scared. It's better to hurt her with the truth than slowly kill her with your lie.”
Xiao Yu tapped him and gave him an assuring smile. “Trust me...”
That night, Yi Quan couldn't sleep. He have been thinking of what Xiao Yu told him a while ago. “Maybe Xiao Yu's right...” he thought. “I have to do it, not for myself, but for Ah Sa... so that she could finally find her happiness...”
He went out of the balcony and looked up at the stars. His thought were filled with Kelsi once again “I wonder if Kelsi's also looking up to these stars...” he thought. Just then, he saw a shooting star. He closed his eyes and made a wish. “I wish... I wish for Kelsi's happiness”
She gave him a hard slap on the face. His cheek was red because of it. “How... how could you...” she said in tears. He turned his eyes away from her. “I'm sorry...” he said in a low voice. “I tried to love you.... but...”
“Why can't you choose me again?”
He looked up at her. This is what he's scared of the most – that when he sees the tears on her eyes, he would be pity her again. He doesn't want to make the same mistake... he just have to tell her the truth... because he's not just lying in front of her and in front of everybody. He's already lying to himself...
“I'm sorry Ah Sa, I'm not asking you to understand. I'm asking you to let me go.” Yi Quan said. Ah Sa fell on the floor as she cried. Yi Quan reached for her, and wiped the tear from her cheeks. “I don't want to lie to you anymore, because I know I will just hurt you more.” he said to her in a low voice. “I am doing this for the two of us... so that you could also find your happiness, because as long as you are with me I will only hurt you...”
“I don't give a damn... just stay with me, please... Quan...”
“I can't anymore, Ah Sa. I don't love you like I did before...” Then, he kissed her on the cheek. “Maybe I'm not the guy for you... maybe someone else is meant for you. I hope one day you will find him...”
Yi Quan have been driving for a long time, and in a while he found himself stopping at a familiar place. He got out of the car, and stood before Kelsi's apartment. He reached for the door, and pushed it to find that it's open. He went inside the apartment, and from there, he saw Kelsi's landlord as he was packing Kelsi's things into a box. “She... isn't she coming back?” he asked. The landlord was startled to see him. “Oh, it's you!” he said, giving Quan a smile. “I'm not sure if she would be coming back. After all, it's been a year. I need this place rented out so I'm putting away all of her things...”
“How much would it be if I rent this place?”
“NT$5,000 for a month.”
Yi Quan smiled at him, then reached for his pocket. He walked over the landlord and gave him the money. “I'm going to rent this place. No need to put away everything... just leave it as it is.” he said. The landlord was surprised at what he said. He then took the money from his hand. “Thank you... thank you so much...” he said. Yi Quan just smiled at him. “I'll be renting this place until Kelsi comes back...”
“But what if she doesn't? It's been a year since she left... and she have not contacted me since. All I know is that she already resigned from the hospital.”
“I will still wait for her. I know she will come back...”
The landlord just smiled at him. “You really love her so much... why don't you follow her to the Philippines and tell her how you feel?” he asked. Yi Quan just shook her head.”I'd rather wait for her. If she comes back, then I know we're meant to be... If she is happy now, I don't want to ruin it just because I want her back...” he said. The landlord just shook his head. “It's not that, my lad. Sometimes waiting doesn't get you something. I you want her... if you love her... you have to go to her...” he said. He tapped him on the shoulder and smiled. “I'll leave you now for you to look around, and for you to decide what to do.”
After the landlord left, Yi Quan looked around Kelsi's place. He took one book from the bookshelf, and opened it. He scanned through it's pages, then suddenly, something fell on the floor. He looked at it, and he saw a violet envelope on the floor. He picked it up and stared at it. “This looks familiar...” he thought. Out of curiosity, he opened it, and read it's content. The letter was addressed to him.
Dear Yi Quan,
How are you doing? I hope you're recovering after the accident. I'm glad that I was able to see you up close. You may not know it, but I am the doctor who attended to you at the Emergency room. Yes, it's me... I am Kelsi. I know it's a little confusing because I'm using 'Angel' as the name in my letters, but the truth is, Angel is the name of my sick sister. She idolizes you and looks up to you... and she seeks my help in writing you a letter. Please don't get mad at me because of this. I maybe using her name, but the things that you read on my letters, those really came from my heart
I'm so happy that we were able to talk. We were able to talk for a short time during your concert here in Manila, but the long conversations that we had during your stay at the hospital are the happiest memories of my life I hope we could be close friends even if you have already left the hospital.
Yi Quan was surprised at what he have read. His anonymous fan, the one who's fan mail he always look forward to... it's Kelsi. It was her all along. That's why she felt too familiar the very first time that he saw her. His heart have been telling it to him, but he have not heeded it.
As he looked at her study table, another violet envelope caught his attention. He immediately took it and read the letter inside it. It turns out to be her last letter to him.
Dear Yi Quan,
This might be the last time you'll hear for me. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for all the happy memories we shared for the last few months. I'm sorry if I was weak... that I just gave up like that... but I can't bear seeing you hurt because of me... because of her... that's why I chose to let you go. God knows I love you so much that I'm willing to give you everything, especially your happiness... even if it means I'm not part of it. I am thankful that I had the chance to get to know you, to be with you and to love you even if it's just for a short period of time. You will always be the best thing that ever happened in my life. I'm sorry for being selfish... I'm sorry for everything...
I will always love you no matter what,
The first thing he did as soon as he got home is find his assistant. “Mei Ru!” he called as soon as he opened the door. Mei Ru immediately approached him. “Yes, Mr. Zuo?”
“Those letters... from Angel... do you still have those?”
“Yes, Mr. Zuo.”
“Please get it, quick.”
After a while, Mei Ru came back with the box that contains Angel's letters. He took one, and read it, then he compared it to the letters he got at Kelsi's apartment. He have confirmed it – Kelsi was really the one who sent her those letters. “Kelsi is Angel...” he finally said to Mei Ru. Mei Ru was just silent. “I never thought she... she and this Angel who wrote me is one and the same... Because, you know what, the first time I read Angel's letter, I fell in love with her...”
“I... I already knew Kelsi is Angel... even before you met her...” Mei Ru finally said. Yi Quan was surprised at what he heard. He then looked up at his assistant. “You knew? Why didn't you tell me?” he asked. “Kelsi asked me to keep this from you. She said it would better this way, so that she could love you from afar. It was beyond her wild dreams that you could fall in love with her.”
Yi Quan let out a faint smile. His tears were starting to form at the corner of his eyes. “And now... it's too late, isn't it?” he asked Mei Ru. His assistant just shook his head. “It's not yet too late, Mr. Zuo. You can still have her if you are willing to fight for what you feel. Once in a while, we do talk... and in those times, she would still ask all about you. I could sense she still love you. I know you still stand a chance with her...” Yi Quan nodded his head. “You're right, Mei Ru. I should fight for what I feel. I should follow what my heart is telling me this time.” he said. Then, he looked up at him again. “I'm going to find her. This time, I will never let her go.”
A tall figure walked towards the hospital lobby. Everyone's staring at him, although he wore his usual disguise of cap and shades. As soon as he found the man, he's looking for, he stopped. He watched him, as he talked with his colleague, but he know he already felt his presence. As soon as his colleague left, he looked at him. “What do you want?” Jian Hua asked in an irritated tone. The tall figure just smiled as he approached him. “I heard you're going to Manila for a vacation...”
“Why do you care?”
“I need a favor to ask...”
Then, he told him his favor. He could see that Jian Hua is not interested in what he just said. “I can't let him hurt her like that again... I'm sorry but I can't do you anymore favors.” he said. He turned his back at him, but he call him again. “You don' have to be worried about Kelsi, Wallace. I know he will take care of her this time. If you can't do this for him, then do this for Kelsi.... let her be happy this time.” Jian Hua looked back at him and glared. “Fine, Ill do it...” he said. “But this will be the last favor you'll ask of me, Jin Xiu Yi...”
Labels: fan fic, Star