Chapter 33 – If I'm Not In Love With You
If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through, tonight?
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in?
Why do I go crazy?
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do?
If I'm not in love with you...
Behind the darkness, he sat on his chair, looking outside the window. The glass window could reflect the sadness in his eyes. It has been days since Ariel came home, and days since Ella broke up with him. Everything is in place as it should be, but he isn't happy about it. All he wanted is to be with Ella, to be with her for the rest of his life, but sadly, Ella chose to give him up.
His wedding will be in 5 months. As days passes by, he felt like he is slowly dying. He is about to marry the woman he doesn't love anymore, and it was breaking his heart to know that he can never be with the woman he truly loves. Maybe he should have been strong enough for Ella. Maybe he should have been more braver, and tell Ariel the truth. But each time he looks at Ariel, he couldn't bring himself to tell her that he have fallen in love with her. He was so scared to hurt her. And aside from that, it is his duty, as Wu Jian Ling's grandson to marry her, for they were betrothed to each other.
He closed his eyes, and the image of her smiling face filled his mind. “Ella...” he whispered. Before he met her, he thought he would never fall in love with someone else than Ariel. He have already planned a life with Ariel before he met her. But upon seeing her, and meeting her for the first time, his life turned upside-down. At first, he was quite annoyed by her, but the more he gets to know her, he found himself falling deeply in love with her. When he fell in love with her, he found himself wanting his days to be filled with memories of her. He look forward to each day with her. He could see his happy tomorrow with her. He could imagine that one day, he will be with her – she will be his wife, and the mother of his children. He imagined himself growing old with her. But he guessed that will never happen now. He have to face the reality that in a few months' time, he will marry another girl. And what hurts the most is that Ella did not give him a chance to make things right for the two of them. If only Ella have not decided to break up with him, he would have been able to talk to his family and to Ariel, and tell them that he is breaking off his engagement with her. He is willing to make the risk to keep his promise to her. But she ended everything before he can make a move.
At the thought of Ella, a tear fell from his eyes. He never felt this lonely before. He never felt so much pain in his heart than what he is feeling now. He wanted her back in his life, but what can he do if she always avoids him? What can he do if the woman he loves does let him see even the glimpse of her shadow? He misses her badly, but he can't even see her. She doesn't want him to see her again. Whenever he tries to call her, she wouldn't answer his call. He swiveled his chair, and then took his mobile phone. As he turned it on, the first thing he saw was his picture with Ella as his wallpaper. For a hundredth time that day, he dialed her number. After a few rings, it was her voice mail that took her call.
“Hi, Ella here. Can't pick up your call. Please leave your message after the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.”
After he heard the tone, he began to speak. “Ella... this is Chun...”
Ella turned his phone one, and saw that he have a voice mail. She dialed her voice mail, and heard Chun's voice on the other line.
“Ella... this is Chun...” he heard him say. As he listened to his voice, tears couldn't help but fall from her eyes. “I know you're there... I know you just turned your phone off so that you can't take my call. But please... hear me out... please listen to what I have to say before you delete this message...” She could hear Chun crying as he says his message. And it made her cry even more. “I love you, Ella. I love you so much. I... I can't make it through without you. I want you back in my life... please Ella. Give me a chance to prove to you that I can fulfill my promise to you... I can make things right for the two of us... please Ella... please don't give up on us. Please give me one last chance to be with you... you are my life... you mean the whole goddamn world to me, Ella... please... if you still love me... if you really love me... you'll meet me at the church where I made my promise to you this Saturday. If you come, then we'll be together for the rest of our lives I'll prove to you how much I love you... I will wait for you, Ella... I will wait for you until the sun sets down... and if you don't come... then I will let you go... I will marry Ariel and be with her forever. Ella... please come... please give us another chance... please say you'll be there and that you'll be with me...”
Ella ended that call with tears in her eyes. She badly wanted to see Chun for the last time, but she knows it's wrong. It would be wrong to continue loving him, for she will be hurting another heart. She placed her phone on the table, and as she glanced on it, she saw the plane ticket lying on top of it. She took is, and stared at it for a long time. Then, she finally decided – she will have to start a new life without Chun.
“OK, what the hell is going on?” Calvin said as he sat beside Ella on the couch. It was Saturday afternoon, and Jiro dragged him out of his bed from his nap, because he have something to tell them. “Don't be too cranky, lanky bean.” Jiro snapped at him. Calvin just rolled his eyes at his best friend. Angela walked up to Jiro nervously, and looked up at him. “What[s wrong?” she asked. Jiro looked at the petite girl beside her, and then he held her hand, much to the surprise of Ella and Calvin. “OK, there is something going on behind our back, isn't it?” Ella said. Jiro nodded his head. “I would like to tell you guys that Angela and I have been together for almost three years now.” Jiro said. Ella and Calvin were surprised at what he said. “What?!” both of them exclaimed.
Angela lowered her head, and smiled to herself. Finally, Jiro found the courage to tell their friends about them. “I know you guys will be mad. But please, understand. I love Angela. I have been in love with her since we were kids...” he said. Calvin couldn't help but laugh upon seeing that serious expression on his face. Knowing Jiro, he was ever this serious before, but nevertheless, he is happy for them. “Oh come on... what do you think you are, Jiro? You're Calvin and Angela's Kit from that drama 99 Paper Cranes?” Calvin said as he laughed. Jiro glared at him. Ella couldn't help but laugh at what Calvin said. “Yeah, what do think of us? We won't approve of you two having a relationship? God, it's about time that the two of you be together?” Ella said. Jiro folded his arms, and gave them an annoyed look. “That's the problem! You guys don't take me seriously even if I'm already serious!” he said. Calvin and Ella stopped laughing, and smiled at the two lovers. “Honestly, Jiro... we are happy for you. Just promise us you will take care of our angel, OK?” Calvin said.
Jiro smiled at them, and nodded his head. Then, he turned to Angela, and looked into her eyes. “Actually, there is another announcement to make...” he said as he gazed at her. Angela gave her boyfriend a confused look. Then, he knelt down, and showed her a blue, velvety box. He gently opened the box, revealing a solitary diamond ring. “Angela Zhang... I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?” he asked. All of them were speechless at what Jiro said. Angela felt the tears falling down her cheeks at what he said. “Wei, Angela... better think twice if you want to spend the next 50 years of your life with this monkey boy!” Calvin said. “What a lame way to ask a girl to marry her...” Ella commented. Jiro threw a death glare at his two friends. “Shut up, will you?” he snapped at them. As he looked up at Angela, he saw her smiling at him. “Yes, I will marry you, Jiro Wang...” she said. Jiro's face lightened up upon hearing her answer. He slipped the ring on on her finger. Then, he stood up, and kissed Angela lovingly on the lips.
Ella smiled as she watched her two friends being in love. She's happy for them. She's happy that finally, the two of them had their happy ending. As she watched the two of them, tears couldn't help but fall from her eyes. Suddenly, she remembered Chun, and she remembered her moments with him. She could still remember the promise he made to her at the church during one of their dates. He may not have proposed to her, but he made a promise to her that he will love her for the rest of his life. She held her right hand, and she felt the ring Chun gave him as a promise of his love. And this time, tears couldn't help but cascade endlessly from her eyes.
“Ella, are you OK?” Angela asked. She looked up at her friend, and forced a smile. “Of course... I'm sorry I have to ruin this special moment for the two of you...” she said, wiping her tears away. “Ella, you're supposed to see him today, right?” Jiro asked. Ella gave him a confused look. He sighed and put his hands on his pocket. “Sorry to snoop around... I heard his message on your voice mail...” he said. With that, Angela hit his hand, and Jiro flinched in pain. “How could you do that, monkey boy?!” she hissed at him. Jiro just rolled his eyes at her, then turned to Ella. “El, if you love him... go and see him. It's not too late for the two of you...” Jiro said to her. “Wow, what made Jiro change his opinion on all of this?” Calvin asked. Jiro just ignored Calvin's comment. “Look, El... if Chun is the only one who can give you your happiness, don't ever let him go. You took the risk before, it wouldn't hurt taking the risk again...” he said. Then, he smiled at her. “And that's coming from a very in love Jiro, I tell you El.” Jiro continued.
Ella smiled at him, and shook his head. “I let him go. I think it's better that way... that I don't see him anymore...” she said. “If you won't, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Are you really sure you don't want to see him even for the last time?” he asked. Ella paused, and looked away from Jiro. Will she really be OK with just their memories together? Will she be OK if she have not seen him for the very last time? In a few months' time, she'll be going to Canada, never to go back to this place, and it means not seeing Chun for the rest of her life. Will she just be contented with just that?
“Ella, do this for yourself. You can just see him from afar.. if you don't want to talk to her, just hide somewhere. But remember this, Chun will be waiting for you. He's clinging on to that littlest hope he had for the two of you. Don't let him down...” she heard Jiro said. She looked up at Jiro again, and then she slowly nodded her head. If this is madness, then let her be mad for one last time. Jiro smiled at her, then he turned to his girlfriend. “Anj, go get my car keys. I'll bring Ella to her happiness.”
It was almost afternoon, and Chun was standing by the altar, still waiting for Ella. He have been here since morning, but there was no sign that she'll be coming. He looked at his watch, it was already 5 PM. It's almost nigh time, and Ella has still not arrived. He looked up at the cross before him, and prayed. “Please God... please let her come... please...” he prayed. He paced back and forth, still waiting for her.
What he didn't know is that all this time, Ella has been watching her. She have been watching her from a hidden corner of the church. As she looked at him, tears couldn't help but fall from her eyes. “El... I think you should go to him...” Jiro whispered to her. Ella just shook her head. “I can't, Jiro... I have let him go... it will only break my heart more if I approach him, because I'm scared I won't be able to let him go this time...” she whispered. “Then, what's wrong if you can't let him go this time?”
“Because someone else is loving him... someone else holds the key to his heart, and it's not me...”
“Can't you see, El... it's you that holds the key to his heart...”
Ella looked at him, and let out a sad smile. “But we're not supposed to be together, Jiro. What we had is just an affair. A last affair before he gets married to Ariel Lin...” she whispered. Jiro could only sigh, but deep inside, he could feel the pain Ella is feeling right now. He put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her. “Are you really sure that you don't want to talk to him?” he asked. Ella nodded her head. “I think I can live with this... seeing him for the last time... his memories will be with me for the rest of my life... now, I have to let him go, and he have to let me go... because as long as we cling to this love, we're only bound to hurt a lot of people...” she said.
Chun looked at his watch again. 5:30. As second passes by, he is losing hope that Ella will come. “Ella... please... don't do this to me... I know you still love me... please come... please... let me prove to you that I really do love you...” he said to himself. He had faith in her, but that faith is slowly fading. He looked up at the cross again, and prayed for his love to come to him.
“Let's go, Jiro...” Ella said. She threw one last look at Chun. “Goodbye...” she whispered to him. And then, the two of them went out of the church. This time, she'll be leaving Chun for good.
As they drove home, Ella was just staring outside the window and looking at the familiar scenery they pass by. She saw Chun's villa along the way, and the lake where they had gone fishing before. Then, she saw the hill where they hiked. She could remember how Chun complained because he felt like she was torturing him. Her memories drifted back to the time Chun told her that he is in love with her. Then, to the time they got stuck at the storage room. It further drifted back to the time they were in Japan. She could still remember how jealous he is when Sho was being too close to her. And then, he remembered their very first kiss. Ella touched her lips as she remembered that night. Chun was a total stranger before, and he was so drunk. She helped him into his car, and then out of nowhere, Chun kissed her. She could still remember how she felt when he kissed her – she was scared and furious at the same time. But as his kiss deepened, she felt something more. It's like it's all meant to be. She coudn't deny that at their first kiss, she have already felt the love she is feeling for him right now.
“Why can't we be together?” she thought to herself. “It's not that you can't be together, Ella... it's just that you chose to leave him because you're scared to hurt your heart. You're scared that Chun will choose Ariel over you. You're scared that Chun couldn't fulfill his promise to you... you didn't trust him, that's why... why can't you see that Chun is doing everything he could to be with you?” she heard a voice telling her. And the voice is right. The mere fact that Chun stayed to wait for her, it means he is more than willing to do all of his promises to her, and that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. She made a wrong decision of not seeing him, and now she regrets it.
“Turn back the car.” she told Jiro. Jiro gave her a confused look. “Turn back the car. Let's go back to the church. I can't be too late, can't I? Chun and I can still be together, right?” she told him. Jiro let out a smile, and then he made a u-turn to go back inside the church.
Chun looked outside the church, and the sun is already setting down. “She never came...” he whispered sadly. Then, he looked at the altar. “Maybe the two of us are not really meant to be, huh? You really didn't want us to be together and be happy?” he said sadly. As he walked towards the church's doors, a tear fell from his eyes. He realized that it's over for the two of them, and he have no other choice but to let her go, and marry the girl who loves her.
She ran up to the church. As she opened the doors, the church is already empty. Chun have already left, for he couldn't wait for her any longer. He have lost hope in her, and it's all her fault. “Chun... why can't you wait for me a little longer...” she thought. The voice inside her head was telling her that she was wrong, that Chun have waited for her long enough, but she chose to keep her distance from him. It was all her fault, she know that. Now, she lost the man she loves, just because she was scared to break her own heart. She knelt down, and then let the tears cascade from her eyes. And now, everything is over between them.
It was evening when Jiro and Ella arrived home. From the door, they saw Arron standing. “Oh, hey Arron!” Jiro greeted him. Arron just smiled at him, and nodded his head. Behind Jiro, Ella followed him. Arron looked at Ella, and could see her eyes were red from crying. “I'll leave the two of you to talk for a while.” Jiro said, excusing himself to them.
“Are you OK, Ella?” Arron asked worriedly as soon as Jiro headed inside. Ella looked up at him, and gave a sad smile. And then, she shook her head. “I was suppose to see him today. He said that he will prove to me how much he loves me... but I was too late... he couldn't wait for me any longer... and it's all my fault that he can't wait for me... because it was too late that I realized that I really want to be with him for the rest of my life... this is my last chance to be with him, and I blew it....” she said. She lowered her head, and as another tear fell from her eyes, Arron pulled her to him for an embrace, and he comforted her. “Ssshhh.... it's gonna be all right...” he whispered to her. “It's really over between us, Arron...” she whispered. “It's really over between the two of us...”
Labels: fan fic, My Two Love My True Love