Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Christmas Card

My hands trembled as I wrote the last word on the card. I put my pen down, and looked at it closely. “With love, from me” it says. But, I wonder if he would still remember who is this “me” that the card says?”

I folded the card, and put it inside a white envelope. Then, I placed it inside the box, together with the 10 more Christmas cards and a thousand letters I have never dared to send. I never sent it to him, because I never had the guts to let him know what's written on it. I'm scared to let him know the feelings I had for him for the past 10 years. I'm scared simply because letting him know how I feel is a big risk, and I risk breaking my own heart if he ever finds out. I never dared to send him those cards, because I never knew where I would send it to.

I stood up from my seat, and looked outside the window. The snow is starting to fall. I could see the Christmas lights lighting up the streets. I could hear the sweet voice of the carolers as they sang about the birth of Christ. I closed my eyes, and suddenly, I remember him. Christmas always makes me think about him, because it was Christmas when I first met him.

I remember a tall young man who stood before the crowd. He was handsome, and ever dashing in his black tuxedo. I remember the warm smile that filled up the whole place, as if lighting even the darkest corner of the ballroom. I remember staring at him. I remember, when I first looked at him, it seemed as if the world stopped, and it was just him and me. I remember the time he walked up to me, and asked me to dance. I could still remember how my heart was beating fast as he held my hand, and waltzed me all throughout the night. And I remember the kiss we shared under the snow that night, with a promise that he will come back to me when the time is right.

Each Christmas, I look forward to seeing him again, but then he never came back. The only solace I found was to write him these cards, hoping one day, he would be able to read it, and he would be able to understand how I feel. But then, I never had the courage to give him the cards. And so, my feelings for him will remain in silent, with only the box as the witness for each tears I cried for the past 10 years because of him.

Suddenly, I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I relive the past. I guess it could not be helped. I miss him... and missing him opens up the wound in my heart that I thought have already healed. But I guess that wound will never be healed as long I never got the closure I've always wanted. I've been holding on to his promise for a long time, and somehow, it felt like I'm holding on to a sharp edge of a knife by doing so. It is hurting me a lot, but I have to believe that one day, he will come back for me. I still believe that on Christmas, he will meet me and dance with me again. With every snow that falls, I am wishing that he would tell me that he loves me too, that he' also wants to be with me forever. I'm starting to lose hope, but I know I shouldn't.

All I know is that as long as I'm alive, as long as there is Christmas, I will continue to wait for him... even if it takes forever...

Labels: one-shot, original story, Roses