Chapter 14 – Breakdown
“You have to come home... Angel... she's gone...”
“Are you happy?”
“Yes, I am the happiest girl alive...”
“I'm glad that you are...”
“Promise me... even when I am gone, you'll continue to be happy no matter what...”
She stood before the door. At the far end, she found a white coffin. She walked slowly towards the coffin, ignoring the looks of the people in that room. As she reached the coffin, she peeked at the glass, and found her smiling face. It's as if she was just slumbering peacefully, and that she's having a beautiful dream. She just wished she was just sleeping, but the truth is, she's gone. She's lying lifeless on the coffin.
“Angel...” she whispered her name, hoping she would be able to hear it. She doesn't want to believe that she's gone. She doesn't want to believe that she have left them. But, she was standing before her lifeless body. She fought the tears from coming out of her eyes. She's tired of crying. She's tired of shedding tears. Angel died knowing she was happy, and it would be better if she leave it at that. Somehow, she felt guilty. While she was struggling to fight for love, her sister was struggling for her life. Whenever they talked on the phone, she lied to her, saying she's happy with Yi Quan. She didn't want Angel to know what she's going through. She doesn't want her sister to know about the heartache she had. She felt guilty for not keeping her promise...
“Angel, why are you still up?” Kelsi asked as she opened the door to her sister's room. “I'm waiting for a TV show...” Angel said weakly as she pressed the button on the remote control. Kelsi entered her room, and sat beside her. “You know that you should be sleeping early. Have you taken your medicines?” she asked again. “Yes I did as soon as I ate my dinner.” Angel said, still not taking her eyes of the television. Kelsi just looked at her sister and smiled.
When Angel was still a baby, she was diagnosed with a congenital heart disease. Lately, her sister have been sick, and she have been in and out of the hospital. Good thing it was their semestral break, and she can look at Kelsi's needs. “By the way, what are you watching?” she asked her little sister. Angel looked up at her and smiled. “It's 'Falling in love with a prince'. It's a Taiwanese series.” she explained. Kelsi gave her a skeptical look “And since when have you learned to speak Taiwanese?”
“It's dubbed. Anyway, the lead actor is really cute. I think his name is Jason Zuo...”
After a while, the show came on, and Kelsi decided to watch it with her sister. She must admit, this Taiwanese star is really handsome and she was attracted to him. “I wonder how many heart he have broken already...” she thought. Then, she looked at her sister, who was smiling at her. “You like her, ate?” she asked. “He's cute and all that... but no... not my type.” she answered. “Oh, but if you research about him, you'll find out he's your dream guy... he can sing, he speaks Japanese, he's a Bleach fan, he's a fan of Utada Hikaru, he can play drums, and he loves kids!”
Kelsi gave her the look again. If she's not mistaken, the things Angel said were in her diary entry. “Angel, are you reading my diary again?” she asked. The latter can't help but smile innocently at her big sister. “Sorry, ate....”
“I want to do something...” Kelsi heard her sister say as they were watching her favorite show. Kelsi looked at her. “What is it?”
“I want to write him a letter?”
Kelsi looked at her with disbelief. “Why? Do you think he would understand English?” she asked. “Oh, haven't I told you? Of course he would. Have I told you he studied abroad during his college years?”
“You seem to really know a lot about this guy. Do you know where you're going to write him?”
“I have the address...”
“Then go and send him a letter...”
“But there's one problem... my penmanship is really bad... can you write him for me?”
“I have something to confess to you...” Kelsi said in a low voice as she brushed her sister's hair. “I think I have fallen in love with him...” she continued. Angel just gave her a weak smile. “I knew you would...” she answered in a weak voice. “I know you're still writing letters for him in my behalf...”
“I think I'm crazy because of what I feel for him...”
“No, you're not... because I am in love with him as well. He's my first love, you know...”
“I'm going to Taiwan for my internship.”
“Good for you, ate... you'll finally see him there...”
“I don't think I would be able to see him.”
“Don't lose hope. I know you would be able to see him. And I know, he'll be able to know who you are... I could sense he'll fall in love with you the moment he laid his eyes on you.”
“Have I told you I can read the future?”
“Promise me... promise me you'll follow your heart no matter what...”
“We are gathered here to say our final goodbye to Angel Ramirez – a loving daughter, sister, and friend...” Kelsi felt she was still in daze. Before she knew it, the priest's prayer have ended. She, her parents and her brother came up to Angel's coffin and kissed her for the last time. When it was already her turn, she kissed Angel on the cheeks, and put the white rose she's holding into her hand. As her coffin was being lowered to the ground, tear started to fall from her eyes. “Angel...” she called.
The funeral have ended and everybody have left. “Kels, let's go...” she heard her brother said. She stared at ground where her sister was buried. Feeling so weak, she fell on her knees as she breaks down. That moment, she let her emotion come through her. That time, she cried once again. She cried for the love she have lost, she cried for the sister she have lost, she cried for herself...
A few days after Angel's funeral, Kelsi went to her room for the first time. Nothing have changed since the day she left for Taiwan. Her room is still tidy, with the pink walls making it more alive. She stared into the empty bed. Before, she and Angel would lie down on that bed as they watched Yi Quan on TV. They would joke around, and they would write letters for Yi Quan together. Now that Angel's gone, they won't be able to do it anymore. It's as if part of her died when her sister left them, and she knew she will never be the same again.
At one corner of her eye, she saw Yi Quan's picture lying on her sister's side table. She picked it up, and stared at it for the long time, as if memorizing everything in him. Then, she sat on the bed, and turned the TV on. The snow effect on the screen came into halt as the channels changed. His image came into the screen, as he smiled. The camera drew closer to his boyish face, and in an instance, her world seemed to stop. She went in front of the TV screen. She never took her eyes off him, or even blinked. God knows she have loved him more than anything else in the world. She loved him with all his heart, and she silently thanked him for making her live her dream. But then, she have stop now... because loving him each day is just tearing her apart.
She reached out for his face on the screen, and touched his pixelated cheek. She closed her eyes, and suddenly, a tear fell from it. She remembered the first time she cried in front of this television, because she thought she would never have a chance to be with him. Now, she's crying because of the memory he have left her. She was crying because of a love she tried to fight for, but gave up in the end. She knew for herself she was not ready to lose this man... but she just have to give him up for her love for him is just breaking her apart. 'This madness have to stop...” she said to herself. She took one last look at the screen. She reached for it, and gently kissed his cheek. Then, she turned the TV off. She have to learn to live without him in her life, just as the way she lived her life before. She used to be an ordinary girl who adored a shining star, until this star suddenly became her world. She have to learn to eventually let him go.
She have decided to let go of this shining star, for loving him made her feel the most painful thing in the world. As she shut the TV off, she will be shutting him in her life forever...
Labels: fan fic, Star