Saturday, April 17, 2010

Always and Forever - Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen: Bricked Walls Around Her



She let herself sway with the passion on his kiss. She made herself forget the fear in her heart about loving him. She let out a tear as her heart beat fast with every second she held her breath.

He loves her.

She wished for a moment that this is all a dream, and that she will never wake up from this dream. Her mind was swirling as his kiss deepens, and it only proves to her that this is reality, that this is far better her dream, and way beyond where her imagination could take her. She felt a tear fall from her eyes. No, it wasn't a tear of sadness, or fear, or loneliness. It was a tear of joy. For once in her life, she felt loved. And she felt so lucky to be loved by someone like him.

She found herself surrendering to his passion. She found herself letting him take her wherever he wants. She knew in her heart that this is what she needed. This is what she wanted. This is what she have longed for so long. She felt herself being weak, and he took advantage of that weakness. She felt him carrying her back to their room, his lips never parting with hers. And as he lay her down on their love nest, he looked at her with love in her eyes.

“I love you...”

He whispered those words to her once again. She could only smile as she let the tears fall from her eyes. She opened her mouth to say that she felt the same way. She wanted to tell him that she fell in love with him that first night he made love to her. She wanted to tell him that like him, she also wanted to make this relationship work, even though they had a bad start. She wanted to tell him that she wanted him by herself, and that he have to forgive her for being selfish.

But she guessed, that smile says it all.

Not waiting for her answer, her leaned down to her, and once again captured her lips. His hand roamed through her sides, feeling every inch of her. She held on tight to him as he kissed her once again. She felt his lips kiss her down to her neck, and as he did that, she could only close her eyes, letting a tear fall from it.

Then, he paused.

He paused, for as he looked up at her, he could see the tears in his eyes. He cupped her cheek, wiping the tears from her eyes. She slowly opened her eyes, and saw him staring at her face again.
“You're beautiful, Ella...” he whispered to her. “Very beautiful...” He planted a kiss on her forehead. Then, he kissed the tip of her nose, before sealing her lips with a kiss. She felt him undress her until she is bare naked before him. As he lay naked on top of her, he made love to her all through the night.

--

Morning comes.

As the sun's ray filtered through the window, Calvin could only flinch. He turned to his other side to avoid the light. He was expecting Ella's naked body next to him, but he found it empty. He slowly opened his eyes, and found Ella no where in sight. “Ella...” he called. He sat up on his bed, and looked around the room. “Ella?” he called again, but there was no reply from her. He covered his lower part with a blanket, and searched for Ella around their pad. But, she was nowhere to be found. As he returned to their bed room, he sat on the the bed, and let out a sigh. “Why are you running away from me?” he thought frustratingly. He was expecting to be greeted by her warm smile that morning, but she was gone. She ran away from him again, just like before.

As he turned to the side table, he saw a small piece of paper. He stood up, and took it to read – it was a note from Ella.

Calvin,

I needed time to think things through. I'm sorry for running away again. I do hope you understand...

Ella

He crumpled the paper, and threw it on the floor. The night before, she made love to him. He thought that after last night, everything will go on fine to the two of them, but he was wrong. He knew it was a bad move from him, to tell her that he loves her. By now, he knew that he had scared the hell out of her. He closed his eyes, and let out another sigh. “I have to find her...” he thought.

--

Ella sat by the window sill, looking at the blooming flowers before her. After what happened last night between her and Calvin, she needed the space to think things through. And her only way to have that space is to run away from him again.

She was back again to her secret place, the summer house. Since she got married, she have never set a foot her, and it was her first time to step into her mother's house as a married woman. She hugged herself as she watched the flowers sway to the gentle breeze. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes.

Loving Calvin have given her the kind of emotion she never felt before. It was the same kind of emotion that she have never wanted to feel at all. She knew it was wrong for her to be stuck up in the past, for she deserve to learn to love and loved in return. She was being too cautious, that she didn't know that she was making things hard for him and for herself as well. His confession was all too sudden for her, and she just don't know how to handle it.

Yes, she may have heard a lot of men tell her that they love her. She have heard those three words before. She held on to those words, hoping that they will give her the happy ending she have always wanted, and the love she have always longed for. But at the end of the day, she always ended up being hurt. She was scared with what Calvin told her. She was scared that just like the men in her past, he will end up hurting her as well. And she is tired of hoping for nothing, and mending her broken heart.

“What should I do? The more that I'm staying in this marriage, the more that I couldn't help but fall for him...” she thought. She wanted out of this soon, but knowing Calvin, he will not give her the freedom she wanted. She knew that he is working hard to make their marriage work. But how can one thing work if it's broken from the very beginning?

--

Calvin entered Chun's shop, and he saw him and Charlene working on a new dress. The two stopped what they were doing as soon as they saw him. “Have you seen Ella?” he asked in a worried tone. The two looked at each other first, before turning to him to shake their heads. Calvin let out a sigh of frustration at their answer. “Don't tell me you lost out best friend? You guys have only been married for more than a month!” Chun said. Calvin shook his head. “I don't know... I woke up today, and she was gone...” he said. “Did the two of you had a fight?” Charlene asked. Calvin shook her head. “We didn't. Everything seems to be fine between us.” Calvin answered. Charlene sighed as she folded her arms. “Then, did you scare her?” she asked. “Did you do something to startle her, or to make her confuse?”

Calvin stared at her for a long time, then he slowly nodded her head. “I... I guess I did...” he said. Charlene let out another sigh as she walked up to him. “Calvin, I don't know what is it that you did or say to make her confused. But all I can say is, if she left you without a notice, then it means she needed her space. Give her time to think things through, and then she will come back to you...” she said. “I only wanted to make things work for the two of us. Why does she always have to run away from me like a little rat?” he asked frustratingly. “Because it never worked for Ella before. You have to understand that everything she is experiencing right now with you, it's all new to her. Ella have always closed her heart to anyone, and it's hard for her to open up to anyone... especially to you.” Charlene explained.

He looked helplessly at Ella's best friend. “I only wanted to make this marriage work...” he said. “But you can't make this work by scaring her. Look, Calvin... I know Ella. Ella have always been scared to love. And being loved by you, is new for her, and it's scaring her. If you only knew what she went through, if you only knew her past, then you would understand why she is like this. The Ella you know now is a broken person. She is not the same Ella that she is before.” Charlene said. As he lowered his head, Charlene held his hand. “Calvin... I hope that you will have more than enough patience for her. If she runs away from you, then wait until she comes back...”
“She can't always run away from me.”
“I know that. I understand how hard it is on your part... but please... just be more understanding of my friend. She may look tough outside, but inside, she had a lot of fears. She is still that little girl who easily gets scared of anything...”

Calvin, looked up to him, and sighed in resignation. “What should I do? Just wait for her till she comes around?” he asked. Charlene smiled, and nodded her head. “That's the best thing that you could do right now...” she said. He let out a faint smile, and nodded his head to her. As he turned to leave, Charlene called on him again. “Calvin...” she called. Calvin paused, and looked back at him. “I think you know where she usually goes where she need to think things through. You can find her there, but I don't think she wants to be found right now...” she said. Calvin just smiled, and nodded his head.

--

It was dismissal time, and all the students of Lillian School rushed to the gate to go home. Genie walked slowly to the gate, and saw a group of girls gushing at someone. “Who could that be?” she thought. “Aiyo! That's so sweet!” she heard one of the girls said. “Oh my! Lucky girl!” another said. As she walked neared to the gate, she saw those group of girls look at her, and smile. “You just have to agree to him, Genie!” one of her classmates said. Genie gave her a confused look. “Agree to what?” she asked.

The girls made way to Andy, and Genie was surprised to see him. Hanging in his neck is a big sigh saying “Genie, date me, please?” and he is holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand. Andy let out a shy smile at her. The girls giggled giddily at the two. “What the heck is this?” she asked. “Oh, come on, Genie... give the guy a chance! A guy as sweet as him is hard to find nowadays.” one of her classmates said. Genie could only shook her head. “No. I'm not even good looking enough for her. Why should I go out with him?” she said. She turned her back, and walked away from him, but Andy ran after her. “Genie!” he called as he held her hand. Genie looked back at him. “Why are you doing this? You're just making a fool of yourself.”
“I'm doing this because I want you to know that my intentions are real.”
“OK, I know that now, all right? Stop doing those crazy acts!”
“Not until you agree to go out on a date with me.”

Genie fell silent with what he said. Andy turned to the group of girls, and smiled at them. “Girls, can you help me convince this lovely lady here to date me?” he said. “Date him, Genie!” the girls said in unison. Genie could only sigh as she shook her head. She had no other choice but to give in to her classmates' request. “Fine... I'll go out with you. Just this once, all right?” Genie told Andy. With that, Andy jumped in joy. “Yes!” he said. Then, he turned to her, and held her by her shoulders. “Don't worry, Genie... I'll make sure that this will never forget this date.” he said. Genie just sighed at him. “OK, OK... whatever you say.” she said.

--

Calvin sat alone on his bed that afternoon. He looked at the phone on his hand. He let out a sigh as he pressed her number. As he put it on his ear, he heard a few rings before he is being taken to her voicemail.

“Ella here. Can't answer you right now. Please leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.”

As he head the tone, he let out another sigh. “Ella... it's me...” he began. “I know where you are right now. I'm not going to ask you to come back home... but I hope you'll be able to think things through right away... Ella... I do love you. Whatever I said or did last night... it's all coming from my heart. There's nothing to be scared about that. I know it was stupid of me to try to take this relationship into another level. I... I just want you to know that this is for real this time... I want you, all of you... and I need you... please, Ella...”

He let out a sigh as he lowered his head. “Please... believe in me...” he said. Then, he ended the call, and stared at his phone for a long time.

Meanwhile, Ella was looking outside the window. She turned her phone on, and saw a voicemail from Calvin. After while, she decided to listen to what he had to say. She felt a tear fell down from her eyes as soon as as his message ended. She clutched onto the necklace she was wearing as she looked outside the window. “Mom... what should I do? I'm such a coward not to let him know how I feel as well. I love Calvin... but I'm too scared to be hurt... I'm too scared to hurt him...” she thought.

At that moment, she prayed to God that He will take that fear away from him. She wished that He will just make things easier for her. It's too clear for her that Calvin loves her, and he loves her. It's supposed to be a happy ending, but she's too scared to face what the future's got for the two of them. What if one day, Calvin found himself falling out of love with her. What if one day, Calvin find someone much better than her, or someone who is exactly like Selina? It's not enough that she is married to him, for there will always be this thing called divorce. She just don't want to end up like her mom. She just don't want her past to happen again.

--

The next day, Andy waited for Genie outside their school, and as he heard their school bell ring, he stood up straight and looked for Genie among the swarm of students getting out of the school. It was easy to spot Genie among the crowd. For him, she will always stand out, for she will always be the prettiest girl in his eyes. He smiled and hid the bouquet of flowers behind him.

“Hi, Genie!” he greeted her as soon as he approached her. “Look, Andy Chen. Let me clear some things with you. First, I was forced to go out with you today because of my classmates. Last, this will be the first and last date we are going to have. After this, I want you to stop annoying me here, all right?” she said. “Well, I guess I have to say sorry, because, first, this is our first, and definitely not our last date. Last, I will not stop waiting for you everyday until you realize that I really do like you.” he said.

Genie folded her arms, and let out a sigh. “Why me? There are obviously more prettier girls out there.” she said. Andy just let out his boyish smile at her. “Yes, there are a lot of pretty girls out there Much prettier than you, but too bad, I only had my eyes on you.” he said. Genie felt a lump in his throat upon hearing what he said. She felt her knee began to shake because of his sweetness. Then, Andy gave her the bouquet. 'You don't have to give me flowers...” she said as she took it from her head. “But I want to.”
“I don't want to get used to it.”
“But I want you to.”

Andy smiled at him again. Genie found herself smiling at herself as she buried her nose on the flowers. “Thanks, they're lovely.” she said. “But not as lovely as you are.” Andy said. Genie felt her cheek turn red at what he said. “OK, enough with your teasing...”
“I am not teasing you. I'm telling the truth.”
“Whatever. Can we go now? I have this thing called curfew, you know.”
Andy reached out her hand to her. “Then, shall we start our date, Ms. Zhou?” he asked. Genie smiled at him as he took his hand. “I'd love to.” she said. Then, the two of them went on their way.

--

Ella hugged herself as she looked outside the window. It's been the second day since she ran away, and somehow, she misses Calvin. She misses seeing him smile her way, she misses the way he held her, she misses his silliness, and most of all, she misses his gentle kisses. “Maybe it's about time for me to go back and face him... Maybe it's about time that I take the risk, and be true to myself for once...” she thought. She let out a smile. Then, she turned around to see Calvin standing before her.

She was surprised to see him in her summer house. She never thought that Calvin would easily find her. “I'm sorry...” he said as he walked up to him. “I know I should be giving you much more time, Ella... but... I just can't help it. I can't stand being without you...” he said. She looked up at him, and gazed into his eyes as he moved closer to her. “Calvin...” she said softly. “I know I scared you. I know, it's too sudden for me to tell you that I love you... but what can I do? That's what I truly feel for you. I love you, Ella... and if you can't love me, I can accept that. If you are scared to love me, then let me take away that fear. I'm willing to wait until you can learn to love again. But please... please don't run away from me like this.” he said.

He held her hand, and looked into her eyes. “I know that your past is the reason why you are scared this way, Ella. But I assure you, I won't let that happen again. I promised you that before, and I'm promising you this again... I will never be like your father. I will never ever leave your side. All I want is the chance for me to love you... to show how much I care for you. If you can't love me right away, I understand... just don't leave me, Ella...” he said. She reached for him, and cupped his cheeks with her palm. “I love you too, Calvin...” she said as she smiled.

Calvin was fell speechless at what she said. “I do... and I'm sorry for always being scared. I'm sorry if every time you open up your feelings, I tend to stay away from that topic. And thank you... thank you for loving me, despite of my past, and despite of my insecurities. This is me... just the little insecure and scaredy-cat me falling in love for the first time with someone as great like you.” she said. She bit her lips as tears fell from her eyes. “I want you, and I need you in my life, Calvin. I hope that you do feel the same way for me. You know, I'm taking this risk with you, and I know it will all be worth it...” she continued. He smiled at her, as he held her cheeks. “Even if you are a scaredy-cat or the most insecure girl in this world, I will continue to love you, no matter what. Thank you for opening up your heart for me, Ella...” he said.

Then, Ella reached up to him, and gave him a long and loving kiss on the lips. “I love you, Calvin...” she whispered to her. He caressed her cheek, and let out a smile. “I love you more, Ella...” he said.

And now, the bricked walls around her have finally crumbled. And it crumbled because of his love....

--

But not for so long.

“Ms. Joanne Zheng, your passport.”

She took her passport, and went on her way out of the airport. As soon as she got out of the airport, she took off her sunglasses and look around the place. “Finally, I'm back...” she thought. She clenched her teeth at the thought of the reason why she left everything behind, and she came back.

“Calvin...”

Just the thought of his name could break her heart. She have loved him for a long time, and God knows that. But then, she had to give way to her cousin. But even though Selina and Calvin got together, it never made her stop loving him. When Selina died, she thought she could gave her chance with him, but he was wrong. He chose to be just friends with her still. She have managed to keep him from dating other girls by always reminding him of her dead cousin.

The news of Calvin marrying some woman who doesn't even fit him, is the last straw for her. She knew she had to fight for her love for him. She knew she have win his heart. She knew that she have to make him realize that he is making the biggest mistake of his life, and that she is the one really meant for him.

She took a deep breath as she got into the car. “Calvin... I swear I am going to make you mine... I'll do everything I could to have you by myself...”

Labels: Always and Forever, fan fic