Chapter 4 – Love Letters
“I'm sorry, Joy... but I don't love you anymore. Let's break up.”
Joy lowered her head, trying her best not to cry in front of him. She heard his footsteps as he walked away from her. She looked up, and saw him put his arm around another girl. “He doesn't love me anymore...” she thought. She turned her back, and walked, her pace is slow. “Why can't anyone love me?” she thought. She paused, and then sat on the bench. She sighed as she lowered her head again. All she ever wanted is someone who could love her. Someone who could fill the emptiness she's feeling inside. Ever since she was young, she have always longed for that kind of love. Her parents have divorced since she was young, and both her mom and dad have their own families now and felt that none of them ever wanted her. Since then, she have always felt alone. She felt unwanted. She thought, when she started dating Ken, he would give him all the love she needed. She gave her all to him, but he only hurt her in the end. Ken is her first love, and she knew no one could ever replace him in her heart, and that fact hurts her even more.
“Great, it's Valentine's day and my boyfriend just broke up with me... what will I do now?” she thought. She sighed as he leaned her chin on her palm. Guess she will have to spend Valentine's day alone this year. All of her friends have dates, and she doesn't want to be the third wheel to them. After a while, she felt a strong breeze gusting over her. And as the breeze blew, a white envelope landed on her feet. Curious, she took it. “What's this?” she thought. She looked at it for a long time, and then she looked around the park. She found herself alone. “I guess it wouldn't hurt to read its contents, right?” she thought. She began to open the envelope, and took the letter inside it and began to read it.
--
My Dearest Tin,
How are you doing? I hope you're doing well. It's been a long time since I last saw you, and I'm starting to miss you. There are a lot of things I wanted to tell. I have a lot of stories to tell you, but I don't know where to start.
Tin, it's been two years since I came back here in Taiwan. There are a lot of places that I've gone through. There were a lot of pretty things I've seen back then. As I remember them all, all I can think of is you. There was this beautiful beach back in Singapore that I used to go through. The smell of the salty ocean feels so good. The wave crashing to the shore is life music to my ears. All those things, it brings back our memories when we were still young. Jiro looked up the screen, and read what he have typed in. He looked at his desk, and saw the pink shell necklace lying on it. He took it, and stared at it for a long time. “Tin...” he thought. He closed his eyes, and reminisced those happy times that he had with Tin.
Remember the very first day we met? I could never forget that, Tin. If it wasn't for you, I know I would be gone by now. I was too excited to swim, that I drowned. You ran to me, and saved me. When I opened my eyes, you were the first person I saw. I thought I saw an angel that time, for you were shimmering and glowing in the sun. When you smiled at me, my young heart was beating so fast. You had the most beautiful smile I have seen in my entire life, and I've long to see that smile again. I could still remember how warm your small hand is. I could remember how sweet your laughter is. I could clearly remember everything about you, Tin...
Do you still remember me?
--
“Joy?” she heard someone call her. Joy looked outside the room, and saw her friend, Gelly, coming up to her. “Hey, what's up?” she asked. Gelly sat beside her, and saw the paper on her hand. “What's that?” she asked. Joy looked at the letter she was holding, and then she turned to her friend and smiled. “Oh, it's nothing. It's some love letter I found at the park on my way here...” she said. Gelly smiled and nodded her head.
“Eh, Joy... are you OK?” she asked. Joy looked up at her, confused at her question. “What do you mean?” she asked. “I heard that you and Ken broke up this morning?” Gelly said. Joy looked away from her, and sighed. “Yeah, I guess I'll be OK...” she said sadly. She heard friend sigh again. “Oh, Joy... I don't know what to say...” she said. Joy smiled sweetly this time. “Don't worry about me, Gelly. I've been planning to break up with him anyways. I'm getting tired of dating him... so it's OK.” she said. “Tell me, Joy. Is there someone new on your part? I thought that while Ken was dating you, he was seeing that Pace Wu from our rival school. So, is there a new guy?” Gelly asked again. Joy paused, and looked at the letter in her hand. “Yes,” she said. “I guess so...”
--
Do you still remember me?
Each day, I ask myself that question. I wonder if you still remember how I look like. I know I looked kinda goofy back then, with my Son Gokou hairstyle. I can only laugh as I remember how I looked like back then. If you can see me now, you'll find out that I have changed a lot. Mom said I have grown to be a handsome young man. I guess all mom says that. Since I came back from Taiwan, I've had a lot of girl admirers here. I'm too proud, am I? Still even if I had a lot of admirers, I couldn't give my attention to them... and it's all because of you. I've been searching for you all this time, but I couldn't. Guess it was wrong for me to leave without even asking for your number or even your address.
Jiro looked at the picture frame on his desk. It was a picture of him and Tin on their last day at the beach. He smiled to himself as he stared at Tin's smiling face.
I still have that picture of us together. It's on my desk right now. I can clearly see your happy smile on that picture, and somehow, I'm wondering if you have that same smile on your face. I bet you're prettier now more than ever, and a lot of guys are wooing you. Maybe if I can see you right now, I'd fall for you as well. I guess I'll fall in love with you again...
Jiro stopped writing, and then leaned on his chair. He continued to stare at their picture. “I miss you...” he whispered. Then, he stared into the paper on his desk, and began to write again.
--
Joy was reading the letter as she walked through the lobby. She found herself being too engrossed with the sender of this letter. Though his words were simple, she could feel the sincerity of this man. She could feel how much this guy misses this 'Tin'. She paused, and then went inside the classroom. She saw her friends inside, who was busy chatting. “Hey, Joy!” one of her friend, Michelle, called her. “Hey Mich!” she said. Michelle and their friends walked up to her. “Hey, it's Valentine's day today. Do you and Ken have plans tonight?” she asked. She smiled, and shook her head. She guessed Gelly have not told them about her breakup with Ken just this morning, so she decided to let her friends know about. “We broke up this morning.” she said proudly.
Her friends looked at each other, and as the turned to her, they were giving her this look of pity, much to her disgust. “Oh, Joy... I'm sorry to hear that...” her friend, Gui Gui said. “We didn't know... I thought you and Ken have plans tonight... we were supposed to ask you to meet us later.” Hebe, another friend of hers, said. Joy smiled, and shook her head again. “I'm OK. You don't have to worry about me. And besides, I was planning to break up with that jerk.” she said. All of them nodded in unison. “That jerk doesn't deserve you! You deserve someone better, Joy.” Michelle said. Joy smiled and nodded her head. “So, what's your plan tonight? Don't tell me you'll just stay at your pad and sulk?” Gui Gui asked. “Hey, why don't you just join us later?” Hebe suggested. All of them agreed, except for Joy, who was shaking her head. “Girl, I'm sorry. I don't want to be the third wheel in your dates. I guess I'll stay home and watch some movies. I need some time alone as a new single girl.” she said. The three looked worriedly at her, but they knew there's nothing they can do to make her change her mind. “Just always remember, if you need someone to talk about it, we're always here for you.” Michelle said. Joy smiled, and nodded her head. “I'll talk about it to you guys when I'm ready.” she assured then.
--
How are you going to celebrate your Valentine's day? I used to celebrate it with someone. Her name is Tin as well. When I met her, I thought she was you. She had the same sweet smile as you. She had the same gentle touch as you. I thought she was really you... but she's not. We've been dating for two years now, until I broke up with her recently. I love her, I really did. God knows I did my best to give her all my love, but I couldn't there is someone who have taken my heart away completely. Until now, that someone still have my heart... and you know who that is? Jiro paused, and looked at his letter. “Should I tell her?” he thought. Then, he began to write again.
That girl is the girl I met when I was nine. She saved me from drowning. She was like an angel glimmering in the sun. She had the sweetest voice one could hear. And I call her Tin. Yes, it's you all along, Tin. Since then, I have loved you. I could not forget you... my heart only beats for you. Tin, I love you... but I know you don't feel the same for me. I know, until now, you're still mad at me. And I know... you have forgotten all about me...
Joy stared at the letter in her hand, and wondered why the writer said those things. “Why would this Tin be mad at this guy?” she thought. She shrugged her shoulder, and then took a sip from her juice. Then, she began to read it again.
--
“Jay, phone call!” Jiro heard her mom call. He stood up from his seat, and went down to take the call. “Jiro here...” he said. “Hey, Jiro...” he heard a familiar voie said. It was his ex-girlfriend, Celestine. Jiro's face fell upon hearing her voice. “Oh... it's you...” he said monotonously. “Why do I feel that you're not happy to hear from me?”
“O-of course, I am happy to hear from you. What's up?”
“Nothing, I just want to check on you. Why didn't you go to school today?”
“I'm not feeling well...”
“That's too bad... well, you missed an important lesson today. Do you want me to come there and lend you my notes?”
“i don't think that would be a good idea, Cel. I think I'll ask Zax for his notes when I get back.”
“But you know Zax's notes. It's not so organized.”
“I know, but I already told him I'll be borrowing notes from him when I get back.”
There was silence on the other line. Jiro knew that he have disappointed Celestine. All he wanted is to stay away from her for it will only make him feel guilty breaking up with her. “You... you used to need me, Jay... why?” she said. He could clearly hear her voice cracking. He could sense that she was on the verge of crying. “Cel... we talked about this, right?” he said. “And you usually don't call me Cel. You call me Tin...”
“Cel...”
“Why, Jiro? Why can't you love me anymore?”
“Cel... you know why I'm doing this, right? I can't hurt you anymore.”
“I don't care, Jiro. I just want you back in my life...”
“Cel... please don't do this to me...”
“I could accept if you still love her. I could accept that, Jiro. Just don't leave me...”
Jiro sighed in disappointment. He have tried to explain to Celestine several times that he doesn't love her anymore, but she won't listen to him. “Celestine, we talked about this, right? I'm letting you go. It would be selfish of me if I continue having a relationship with you while I'm in love with another girl...” he said in a low voice. “But you will never be able to find her again, Jiro. While I'm here... loving you... Jiro, please...” she pleaded. “Cel, it's no use having this conversation with you. I... I have to go...” he said. He did not wait for her to say a word, and immediately ended the call. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. Again, he felt guilty for breaking Celestine's heart, but it's the right thing to do. He doesn't want to be selfish again, and he knows, one day, Celestine will find someone who will give her the love she deserves.
--
I started a relationship with her, hoping it would fill up the hole in my heart. I thought I can forget you, and that I would eventually learn to love Celestine with all my heart, but I was wrong. Each day, when I look into her eyes, I feel even more guilty because the fact remains still that I am in love with you. You can say that I'm a jerk, that I deserve to die... but that's how I really feel. I love you, and nothing could ever change that.
Is there a chance that maybe, you felt the same for me?
“Hey, Joy...”
Joy looked back, and saw Ken walking up to her. It was after school, and she was hanging out at her favorite cafe. She never thought that she would bump into her ex-boyfriend again today, but she was confused as he's alone. He was with a girl a while ago when he broke up with her, right? “What are you doing here?” she asked him. Ken stared at her, and he was giving her a sad look. “Can we talk?”
“What is it that we have to talk about? We already broke up, remember?”
“I know, and I regret breaking up with you...”
Joy looked away from him, and stared outside the window. “Look, it was a big mistake. I realized that I still love you...” Ken said. Joy turn to him and gave him a glare. “If you really love me, then you wouldn't cheat behind my back!” she told him. “I know that, but I'm a man. I am weak... and Pace was the only one who could give me the thing I need as a man?” Ken said. Joy sighed in frustration. “Wow, so just because that bitch had sex with you, you chose her over me. Why don't you and that girl go to hell?” she told him. “Look Joy, I still love you. I realized I love you more than I love her. Whatever it is that I'm feeling for her, it's just lust.”
“So? You broke up with me this morning and got together with that girl. What made you change your mind, that you wanted me back? Did that bitch cheated on you right before your very eyes?”
Ken looked away from her, not answering her question. She smirked at him, knowing that she was right. “I knew it. That girl cheated on you on the very day that two of you got together. Well, that's what I call karma.” she said. Ken looked at her, and then held her hand. “Joy, it's not like that. I love you... please give me another chance...” he pleaded. Joy took her hand away from him, and then stood up from her seat. “I'm sorry, Ken. I gave you all my love. I blindly loved you, and this is what you did to me. You don't deserve any second chances, because you know what, I deserve something much better.” she said. Then, she started to walk away from him. “No one can love you like I do, Joy!” she heard Joy shouted at her. She paused, and felt Ken walking up to her. “No one can give you the love you need, Joy. And I know you could never love someone as much as you love me.” he said. She looked at the letter on her hand, and smiled to himself. She have prove him wrong. She turn to face him, and gave him a smirk. Then, she raised the letter high up for him to see. “You're wrong, Ken.” she said. “There is someone who can love me as much as I love him. And that someone deserves to be given a chance by me.” she said. Then, she turned and walked away from him.
--
I know what I did to you is unforgivable. I made you wait for so long. I made that promise, but wasn't able to keep that promise. If I had the will, I would've came back for you... maybe if I did, we would be happy together. Maybe you're with me right now.
I was suppose to come back to you the next summer at the beach resort. I was supposed to come for you, but on the day that I was supposed to go back to Taiwan, I met an accident. That accident almost caused my life. I became paralyzed down to my feet, and there's nothing I can do but to cry. Tin, I did everything I could to be well, to be able to walk again. I wanted to be that same guy you met that summer. I don't want you to see a helpless, weak and paralyzed guy like me. For years, I endured not seeing you, so that I could take the chance and stand up again. I had several surgeries just to be able to stand again. For years, I trained myself to walk again. Once I was able to walk again, the first thing I did was to come back for you.
But I guess I was too late...
You were never there at our spot. For several days, I waited for you. I patiently waited for you.... but it dawned upon me that maybe you got tired of waiting for me. I know I failed you. I know I made you cry... I'm sorry for everything, Tin. I'm sorry for everything...
Do you hate me now? I guess you do. If one day, our paths would cross again, would you give me another chance to be your friend again? I wanted so much to tell you everything that happened to me, to make you understand... but I guess I will never have that chance again. I guess it's because I know I will never be able to find you again...Jiro leaned on his chair, and listened to the song on the radio. “And this one is dedicated to Katherine... from your prince charming. Hope you'll enjoy this song!” he heard the DJ said. Then, a familiar song played on the radio.
If I had to leave my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong...He closed his eyes, and thought of Tin again. He could remember the times they spent on the beach, making sand castles. He remembered the old man's story of the princess, her prince and the pink shell necklace. He could clearly remember how Tin's face light up as she listened to that old man's fairy tale. He could clearly remember Tin's smile when he found her bracelet, and when he gave her the blue shell. He could clearly remember when Tin put her necklace around his neck. He opened his eyes, and smiled to himself. He missed the girl so much. He badly wanted to see her again. At that moment, he decided to look for her again.
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much I love
The world may change my whole life throughout
But nothing's gonna change my love for you...--
Tin, I will love you till there are no more sands on the shore... I wish I could say those words to you. I will find you, Tin. I will find you no matter what. I won't stop searching for you. I still believe that I would be able to see you again, and I will patiently wait until that day comes. Tin, I hope you will also feel the same way for me. I know... I felt your heart the moment I saw you. I knew you loved me as well... I hope your feelings have not changed.
I love you, Tin... I'll always will
I will wait for you forever.
JayJoy's eyes were filled with tears after she read the letter. She's a crybaby, she knows that, but she was touched with the way this Jay have loved Tin even though there have been apart for years. “I will I could meet someone like this Jay...” she thought to herself. She looked at the letter, and read it all over again. She doesn't know why, but somehow, she was feeling something for this Jay. She was wishing deep in her heart that she was this Tin. If she were in Tin's shoe, she would easily forgive Jay, as there was a reason why he wasn't able to come back for her. And not only that, Jay have remained faithful to her all these years. “Jay, how I wish I'm your Tin. I think I loved him though I have never met him...” she thought.
Just then, she felt a strong wind blowing against her. The wind was too strong, that it took the letter from her hand. “Hey!” she shouted. She stood up from the bench, and ran after the letter. Meanwhile, Calvin was walking at the other side of the street, and was about to go back to school after having some snacks at a nearby cafe with his friends. He promised to wait for Kit until her club meeting is over. As he walked back, he saw a girl running across the street and chasing after a letter. He paused, and looked at her. He looked at the other side, and saw a car speeding her way. He panicked as he looked back at the girl. “Watch out!” he shouted at her. The car was about to get near the girl. He immediately ran after the girl, and pushed her to the safe side of the street. Calvin found himself hugging her, and staring into her eyes.
At that instant, he was mesmerized. He felt as if he was hypnotized as she looked into her eyes. He felt his heart began to beat fast as he held her close to him. Everything seems to be in slow motion as he looked at her lovely face. “Uhmmm... I'm OK now...” he heard the girl said. With that, Calvin seemed to wake up. He let go of the girl from his hug, and smiled at him shyly. “I'm sorry...” he said. Joy smiled sweetly at her, and nodded her head. “It's OK. Thank you for saving my life.” she said. Joy walked to the other side, and took her things, especially the letter. Calvin could only watch her as she gathered her things. He smiled to himself as he watched her. The moment she saw her about to leave, he panicked. He wanted to get to know this girl more. “Miss!” he called. Joy paused, and looked back him. “Yes”?” she asked. He smiled at her. “Be careful...” he said. It was the only thing he could say for his mind went blank when she looked his way again. Joy smiled at him, and nodded her head. “I will. Thanks again.” she said. Then, she went on her way, with Calvin just gazing at her.
He looked at Joy dreamily, and then he put his hand on his chest. “Man...” he said to himself. “I think I'm in love...”
Labels: 99 Paper Cranes, fan fic, special chapter
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