Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Always and Forever - Chapter 5

Chapter Five: Anyone but you




Ella was silent all through out the dinner. Although she could hear her dad and Calvin's parents discussing about their wedding, she was not listening attentively to it. She was taring down her plate, toying on the food that's left on her table. She didn't bother looking up to Calvin, who was sitting right in front of her. After what she have said to him the last time they met, she couldn't bear looking into his almond eyes. As for Calvin, although he is was listening to his parents' conversation, he could occasionally glance at Ella. He could sense that aside from being surprised by her father's announcement regarding their betrothal, he could sense that she was not too happy about it. “Ella...” he called her in a soft voice. Ella immediately looked up at him. “Are you OK?” he asked, smiling at her. Ella stared at him for a long time, and found herself smiling back at him. “I'm OK.” she said. Then, she looked down, and began to toy with her food again. Calvin never took his eyes off her. He felt something wrong with her. She was not the same Ella that he first met three months ago, the one that was brave, cheerful, and a little bitchy. He is not convinced that she is OK. “Ella...” she heard her father say. Ella looked up to him, and forced a smile for him. “Why don't you show Calvin around while his parents and I discuss some important matters.” he said. Ella nodded her head, and stood up from her seat. “Come on, I'll show you around.” she said to Calvin. Calvin stood up from his seat, and followed Ella outside the garden.

Both of them were silent as they were strolling around the garden. Calvin walked behind Ella, who was obviously in her deep thoughts. “You know, I'm still not used with you being silent like that...” he said to her. Ella paused, and looked back at him. “Why you?” she asked. Calvin looked at her, and saw the frustration written in her face. “Of all people, why does it have to be you?” she asked him again. Calvin fell silent at her question. He looked away from her. Meanwhile, Ella just stared into his face. After their last meeting, she have decided for herself to forget all about him. She loves him, yes, but she have to control her heart from loving him more and more each day. Of all the things that happened to her in the past, she wouldn't be able to handle another heartache. She have convinced herself that Calvin, like her father and like any other men that came into her life, will only hurt her in the end, leaving her with a broken heart that she can and will never be able to mend ever again. She saw him sigh, and then gazed at her. “Why not me?” he asked. “Don't you think this is fate? We've met once... I've searched for you... I found you... you ran away from me like a scared child, not wanting to see me. And now, here we are. I am going to marry you, and you will become my wife...” he said to her. Ella paused for a while, and looked at him for a long time. “You wouldn't want to marry me...” she said in a low voice.

She turned her back on him, and started to walk away. A little frustrated with her reaction, Calvin followed her, wanting some explanation for what she have said. “Ella!” he called her. He reached for her arm, and pulled her to face him. “I don't give a damn about your past.” he said to her. “I don't give a damn if you slept with a hundred men before me. All I know is that we are getting married. Don't you think that what happened to us is called fate?” he asked. “Why are you even doing this, Calvin? You perfectly know who I am! I am a bitch. A whore. A slut. Why would you still want to marry me? Why would you agree to be married to me?” she asked. Calvin opened his mouth to answer her, but no voice came out of his mouth. What definite answer can he give her to convince her to marry him? Will he tell him that he love her? How can he tell that, if he himself is still unsure of his feelings for this girl. “See? You can't answer me. If my hunch is right, you're doing this because of a favor from my father, is that right?” she asked. Calvin looked up at her, surprised that she was able to guess it right. Ella folded her arms, and smiled triumphantly at him. “I'm right, I guess. You are forced to marry me because of a favor my father gave your parents. Was it because your company will be bankrupt, and the only way he could help you is for you to marry me?” she asked again. Calvin looked away from her, feeling guilty with what she said. “This has nothing to do with that...” he said. “Then stop giving me that bullshit, and tell me the truth for once!” she shouted at him. Calvin looked back at her. He could see how angry she is with the situation. At that moment, he wanted to pull her and imprison her in her arms, and tell her that everything will be fine, just like how it was before he came into her life. “Ella...” he called in a low voice. He reached for her hand, but before he could touch it, she took it away from him. “You only proved to me that I am right. That you are a user. Not only do you want my body, but my our wealth as well...” she said. “It's not what you think... don't convince yourself that I am what you think I am, because I am not that kind of person. Yes, we are going bankrupt, and this is the only way that our company can be saved. But you don't know the very reason why I agreed to be married to you, Ella.” he said in a frustrated tone. Ella sighed, and then smiled bitterly at him. “I don't care what your reasons are, Calvin. I have decided for myself that I don't ever want to see you again. Do yourself a favor, and stop this stupidity. I don't care what the hell you will tell my dad, but I want you to tell him that you can and you don't want to be married to me. Because you know what, I can't be married to someone like you.” she said. With that, Ella stormed back inside the house.

--

“Why are you doing this to your only daughter, Robin?” Melinda asked as soon as she and her husband went inside their bedroom. “Can't you see that you're only hurting your daughter when you force her to do something that she doesn't want to do?” she asked. Robin turned to face his wife. All the while, he thought that Melinda understood his reasons why he arranged her daughter's marriage to Calvin, but he was wrong. “We talked about this a lot of times, Melinda.” he said. “But can't you see how your decisions have been affecting Ella?”
“I am doing this for her best!”
“What you think is best for her maybe is not really the best for her!”

Melinda folded her arms as she walked towards the window. She could feel the hot tears forming at the corner of her eyes. “Why are you trapping Ella in a marriage that is without love? Why do you have to choose who she should be with for the rest of her life? Can't you see, Robin... can't you see that you are only repeating the history?” she asked. Robin looked away from his wife. He knows exactly what she means. It was a past that he was trying to forget, the past that he was trying to correct after 25 years. “I am not making the same mistake as they did before...” he said firmly. Melinda shook her head. “You are, Robin. You are...” she said in a low voice. “You are forcing Ella to marry someone she does not love. Just like how you were forced to marry Diana before. And you know what happened with that decision? You've hurt a lot of people. You've hurt me, you've hurt your wife, you've hurt your daughter. Can't you see that Ella is old enough to understand what happened in the past, and can't you see that it's that past that made her despise you this much?” she said. Melinda walked to him, and held his hand. “Please...” she pleaded him. “Don't do this to her anymore. If you're only doing this to earn her love and respect, then it's not going to work. By now, she must've thought that her own father is trying to ruin her life. She will hate you more for that...” Robin looked at his wife, and then he shook his head. “I'm sorry, Melinda...” he said. “This is the only way I know that she can have a better life. You have to understand me. She will marry Calvin Chen, and that's final.” he said. Melinda was surprised at what he said. She thought that by reminding him of the past, Robin will have a change of heart. But she was wrong. She heard the door close behind her as she slumped on the edge of the bed. Then she cried. She cried for a child whose heart is broken by her very own father.

--

“Jie...” Genie said as she peeked inside Ella's room. Ella looked at her and smile. “You're here to annoy me again?” she teased. She saw the girl frown, then, she laughed at him. “Come in, Genie. I need a company.” she said. Upon hearing that, Genie smiled, and rushed beside her. If there's one good thing that happened when her father have remarried, it's that she gained herself a little sister who looked up to her, and adores her like a goddess. With Genie, she could feel that she is loved in this family, although she have long secluded herself from her own father.

“Jie, are you really sure that you are getting married?” Genie asked. Ella simply shrugged her shoulder. “I don't think the guy would want to marry me as well, so I guess not.” she answered. She looked at her, and saw her smiling. “I'm glad...”
“Why should you be glad? If I marry that guy, I have to move out of this mansion. And then, you can have my room.”
“I do want your room. But only if you stay with me here...”
Ella found herself smiling at the young girl. She reached up to her and brushed her hair. “You know that I am a bad daughter... and that I can become a bad influence to you. Why do you still want to be with me?” she asked. “Because all these years, I've been asking God to give me a sister like you. I'm glad mom married your dad, and He gave me to you...” she said. Ella smiled at her, then put her arms around her. She hugged her for a long time, letting the silence fall in between them.

“Honestly, I still don't want you to get married, jie. We've only got close now, and you're leaving me soon...” Genie said. “Don't worry, Genie. I assure you that I will never marry that man. And besides, he's not even my type.” Ella said. Genie looked up to her, and giggled. Ella giggled with her as well. “Hey, since it's not a school day tomorrow, why don't you sleep here tonight with me. We could catch up with a lot of things.” Ella suggested. Genie smiled and nodded her head. Then, they crawled to her bed, and positioned themselves comfortably.

--

Calvin stood by the balcony that evening, gazing up the stars. His thoughts were filled with the argument that he had with Ella a while ago. “You only proved to me that I am right. That you are a user. Not only do you want my body, but my our wealth as well...” he remember her saying to him. He sighed, and then his face turn to glum as he remembered her words. They started at the wrong foot, anyway. On that night that they met, they had an affair. For three months, he searched for her, hoping he could apologize to her for his actions. He was hoping that the two of them could start all over again. The moment he saw her again, his heart was filled with so much joy. But then, they met again at the wrong moment. It was the height of her scandal, having affair with a married man. When he saw her, she was broken. He felt the urge of helping her mend her broken heart, and be there to make her smile. He kissed her that night they saw each other again, hoping it would take away everything that she is feeling, but in the end, Ella pushed him away.

Does he love Ella? He asked himself that question a lot of times. He knows in his heart that he will always love Selina, but is Ella slowly taking over her place in his heart? Although he have agreed to be married to an unknown girl, his only reason is that he could never find someone who can replace Selina, and that he is scared to grow old alone. It is more convenient for him to marry someone, and maybe one day he will learn to love her in return. When he found out that he is betrothed to Ella, he felt his heart racing inside his chest. There is an inexplicable happiness he felt upon seeing her again. The thought of seeing her in her long white gown and walking up to him at the altar made him feel happy. But he never thought that Ella would take things differently. For the second time, Ella have rejected him. And he was hurt by it.

“Of course, her getting married to me means that she will have to say goodbye to her carefree life. Stupid me...” he thought. “Calvin...” he heard his mom call him. He looked back, and saw her walking up to him. “Anything wrong, son?” she asked. Calvin smiled at her, and shook his head. “I'm just thinking some things through...” he answered. “Are you regretting your decision in marrying Ella?” his mom asked. Calvin could only sigh. “She does not want to be married to me.” he said. “But do you want to be married to her?” his mom asked.

His mom looked away from him, and smiled to herself. “You don't have to force yourself to something that you don't want to do. You don't have to force yourself to marry someone you cannot love just to save our family. I know we can get by without Robin's help. We can make it through...” she said. Then, she looked at him and smiled sadly. “I know you still love Selina. Even though she's long gone, it's her that's still inside your heart. Do you think that you will only hurt yourself if you continue this?” she asked. Calvin sighed again, and looked away from his mother. “Why are you telling me this now? You... you want me to find someone who can replace Selina, right?” he asked. Celestine shook her head. “You're wrong, Calvin. I want you to learn to let go of your past, and learn to love again. It doesn't matter who that girl would be. All I want you to do is let go of Selina and her memories, and learn to live again. When Selina died, I felt like my own son died with her as well.” she said. “I gave my heart to Selina completely. When she died, my heart have been gone with her. I... I don't think I could love someone as much as I do love her. And you know what scares me the most? I'm scared to be alone for the rest of my life... Selina left me on my own... she was the only girl I could imagine to spend the rest of my life with. When she died, those dreams we had suddenly faded. I felt at lost. I felt... I felt alone. I... I agreed to this marriage, simply not to save dad's company. I agreed to this marriage because... it's the only thing that would make me secure. That I have someone whom I can be with forever. Someone who can accompany for till I grow old. If in the end, I fell in love with Ella, then it would be great.”

Celestine sighed sadly upon hearing what his son said. “Calvin, it seems to me that you are marrying Ella for all the wrong reasons. I don't think she will ever understand this...” she said. “Then, she wouldn't have to understand. She's already thinking that I'm marrying her for her dad's money, let her think that way. After all, she already got that impression of me.” he said bitterly. Celestine watched her son looked away from her. Somehow she pitied on his son, for he was trapped in this situation. She held his hand, and squeezed it, assuring him that everything will be all right. “If you are sure about your decision, then there's nothing we could do about it but push through with the wedding.” she said. Calvin looked at his mom and smiled. “I just hope one day, you won't regret this decision, and that you won't end up hurting yourself and Ella.”

--

“One Mocha Frapuccino for Charlene.”

As soon as she heard the barista call her name, Charlene stood up from her seat, and went to the counter. She took her drink, and as she turned to leave, she bumped into someone, spilling her coffee on that someone's clothes. “I'm sorry...” Charlene said. She took some napkin, and tried to wipe the coffee from his clothes. “Look what you've done! I have to meet my friend, and -”

Charlene looked up at him, and was surprised to see him. He was the same man whom she bumped to at the bar three months ago, who spilled beer on her dress that night. The man who didn't even have the manners to say sorry to her. “You?!” she exclaimed. Mike looked at her with disbelief, then shook his head. “I can't believe I'll bump into you again, stupid girl!” he said. Charlene put her hand on her waist, and glared at him. “Who are you calling stupid?”
“You, of course!”
“Look. You are the one who's stupid here. Now if you're just looking to where you're going, then maybe you wouldn't have bumped into me, and I wouldn't have to spill my coffee on your shirt.”
“You are the stupid one here, because you're not minding if there is someone standing beside you.”

Charlene looked away from his, and sighed in exasperation. “The nerve of this guy...” she muttered. Then, she looked at him again. “So, you're not going to say sorry again for what you did?” she asked. “Wei! You are the one who spilled your drink on me. You should be the one who should say sorry to me!” Mike said to her. Charlene sighed again, and then she threw her drink on him. Mike gasped at what she did. “Dui bu qui, lah. Sorry for throwing my drink on you.” she snapped at him. Then, she left him alone, and he could only stare at her in anger. “I'll get you one day!” he said to himself.

--

“You've been awfully silent dear. Come on, speak up.” Chun said as he sat beside Ella. It was a Saturday afternoon, and Ella was at Chun's fashion shop. She was supposed to help Chun design clother for his newest collection. But because of what happened the night before, she couldn't bring herself to draw. “You've been staring at that blank paper for so long. I thought you want to help me with my spring collection?” he asked again. Ella looked up at him, and smiled sadly. “Sorry, Chunnie dear. It's just that... a lot of things have been going through my mind. I don't know what to do...” she said sadly. Chun sighed as he looked at her friend. “Family problems again?” he asked. Ella simply nodded her head. “You had a fight with your dad?” he asked. “Worst. I am obliged to follow everything he says...” she said. Chun gave her a confused look. “For what?” he asked. “So that he wouldn't sell the summer house...” she said. “You mean, he's planning to sell your secret place?” he asked in disbelief. Ella sighed, and shook her head. “Why would he do that? I thought it's your mom's property, and now that you're 25, you will be the rightful owner of it?” he asked again. Ella let out another sigh, and shook her head. “I... I don't know... maybe he used his power so that wouldn't happen.” she said. “So what's the deal. What do you have to do to get that sacred place of yours?” he asked.

Ella paused, and looked away from him. Chun stared at her, still waiting for her answer. “Ella, dear?” he asked. “I... I have to marry someone... someone that he approves of...” she answered in a low voice. She took the paper, and began to dram. Chun looked at her sadly. He knows that it was a tough decision on her part. He have known Ella almost half of his life, and she is the type of girl who wouldn't want to settle down, or even follow everything her father says. “You are getting married?” he asked. Ella shook her head, not looking up at him. “i asked the guy to tell my dad that he wouldn't want to marry me...”
“But dearie, knowing your dad, I'm sure he'll thought up of a way for it to push through.”
“It's his problem, not mine. I don't care what he says to my dad... I just don't want to get married to him.”
“Why, what's wrong with this guy? Is he ugly? Or is he a geek? Does he look like a violent man? Or as greedy as your dad?”

Ella paused again. She stopped drawing, and looked at the paper she was holding. To her surprise, she realized that she was drawing Calvin's face all this time. Ella swallowed hard as she looked at her drawing. “Who? Tell me, who is that guy you're supposed to marry?” Chun asked. “He... he is the guy... that I had... a one night stand with... three months ago...” she said. Then, she looked up at him, and saw the shock in his face. “He is the guy I fell in love with that night...” she said. Chun looked at her paper, and then took it from her hand to take a closer look. “This is the guy in your drawing, right?” he asked. Ella slowly nodded her head. “Then, what's wrong? You love him and -”
“Obviously he doesn't love me.”

Ella stood up from her seat, and stared outside the window. “He doesn't love me...” she whispered. “I thought he's only after sex, and now, he's after my money. I don't even know why I fell in love with him in the first place! He's such a jerk, and I... I'm a fool believing that maybe he could love me...” she said. Chun shook her head as he watched her. He stood up from his seat, and walked over her friend. “Ella... why are you thinking that way?” he asked. “Because that's the truth. He doesn't love me, and he can never love me. No one will ever want me. He knows who I am. I am Ella Chen, the high class slut. That's who I am. Tell me, who would still want to marry me? Not him... he's only doing this for the sake of money...” she said. “Ella, did it ever occur to you that you are capable of being loved as well? Forgot your past, and start a new life with this guy. Who knows, maybe he feels the same way towards you...” he said. Ella shook her head again. “I don't think so...” she said. “Because that's what you want to think, Ella. Give this guy a chance, will you?” Chun said. Ella turn to face his friend. “Chun, you know my story. All my life, I've been building this wall around me, so that I wouldn't feel the same pain that I felt before. And now, he came into my life. That night, he broke down that wall, making me more vulnerable than ever. I'm tired of getting hurt, and being with him, I know I will experience that kind of pain again. I can't do this anymore, Chun. I don't want to do this... I don't want to see my heart breaking again, because it would take a long time to pick up the pieces, and mend it up. I can't be with him...” She bit her lips, and let the tear fall in her eyes. For another time, she have let someone see the weaker side of her. But this time, it's Chun, her best friend. Chun sighed, and pulled Ella to her, as he let her cry on his shoulder.

--

Calvin found himself walking through the busy street when a dress shop caught his attention. He paused for a while, and looked at the display. Behind the glass window is a long white wedding gown with embroidered flowers at the skirt. He smiled to himself as he stared at the wedding gown. Then, he closed his eyes, and then imagined Selina wearing that gown. He imagined himself as he waited by the altar, watching Selina as she takes her time walking down the aisle. He imagined himself as he took off her veil, and kiss her on the lips after the priest announced that they are man and wife. Then, he slowly opened his eyes. It was all a dream. If only Selina is alive, maybe by now they are making preparations for their wedding. Maybe by now, she would be looking for the perfect wedding dress for that special day. The wedding gown in front him would look perfect on her. But then, it's another wishful thinking.

Then, he found himself going inside the shop. He doesn't know why, but he have this urge to get inside. He was still unsure if he would want that wedding gown, or buy it. As he got inside the shop, he was amazed seeing a lot of beautiful gowns being displayed. “Hi, what can I do for you?” he heard someone say. He looked up, and saw a man walking up to him. “I'm just looking around.” he said, smiling at him. “Looking for a perfect dress or gown for your girlfriend?” he asked. “You can say that...” he said. The man smiled back at him. “Then, feel free to browse around. Let me know if you made your choice.” he said. Calvin smiled and nodded his head. As he looked around, he heard a familiar voice from inside the shop. “Chun! How do you expect me to finish this gown if you don't have the correct thread that I needed!” the familiar voice said. He looked up, and saw Ella getting out of one of the room of the shop. Calvin stared at him for a long time, then Ella looked at him. She was as surprised as him when she saw him inside Chun's shop. “Ella...” he said, his lips curving into a smile. Ella's face turned pale upon seeing him. She never expected to see him again. “Calvin?” she asked.

Their eyes met, and they gazed at each other for a long time. She found himself walking up to him as he stared into his almond eyes, and so does he. Then, they were standing face to face. There was silence between them, as both of them did not speak a word. Then, he turned to smile. “I'm glad to see you here again...” he said in a low voice. She felt like melting with that smile. For the second time, she felt like being lost when she stared into his almond eyes. Only Calvin have this effect on her. “I... I never thought I'd see you again...” she answered. The silence stand in between them again. “I... I told you this is fate...” he said.

“Ella Chen! I left you to get the thread you needed, and then you're flirting with someone's boyfriend!” she heard Chun shout at her. She looked at Chun, confused at what he said. “Who?” she asked. Chun pointed at Calvin. “I'm talking about him. He came here to look for a dress to buy for his girlfriend.” Chun explained. Ella looked back at Calvin, shaking her head. “How can I be stupid. Of course, you have a girlfriend...” she said angrily at him. Calvin's eyes widened, and then he shook his head. “It's not what you think...” he said. She didn't give him a chance to explain anymore. She turned away from him, and locked herself inside Chun's office. Calvin followed her, but before he could reach her, the door before him closed. “Ella!” he shouted as he knock the door. “Ella, let me explain!” he shouted. “Go away! Leave me alone!” he heard Ella shout at him. It was all a misunderstanding, and he have to explain it to her. “You know my friend?” Chun asked him, giving him a confused look. Calvin looked at him, and nodded his head. “Yes.” he said. “Because she's my wife to be.”

Labels: Always and Forever, fan fic